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female
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anonymous
writes: My man has gone in the army n i hate it! i feel that he has chosen the army over me and i dont feel special anymore. I understand that this is what he wants to do with his life but i see it as the army is more important to him than me. I know i shouldnt feel this way and it is pretty selfish but it is the way im feeling and i cant help it! please help me xXx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (6 July 2006):
 Well, good for you that you at least recognise that it's a bit of a self-centred way to think.
The fact is, succeeding in the Army requires a period of total commitment from recruits, and your boyfriend is going to have to really throw himself into this for a while, if he's going to get through basic training and do well at his assignments. That means that -- for the foreseeable future -- he's going to have to focus his concentration on what the Army wants him to do.
Unfortunately, that's going to be a sacrifice for you too.
He probably doesn't regard his training as "more important" than you, but if this is what he wants to do with his life, then he surely wants to do it well? And that means giving up romantic distractions for a bit. Besides, would you rather look back in, say, six months, and remember that your BF was strong enough to concentrate and succeed when he put his mind to it? Or would you rather look back and realise that he gave up his dream, because that was easier?
One more consideration for you: if he is successful with a military career, then he's going to be quite a 'catch', with job options and good pay for the future. You can be the woman that stood by his side and gave emotional support whilst he climbed the ladder.
Try to look at this time apart as an investment in his future, and that can help prevent you feeling distressed.
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