A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me, my boyfriend (who we'll call Andrew), his best friend (who we'll call Nick), and another friend of ours went out to a bar the other night together and all of us were kind of drinking a lot. Andrew got absolutely smashed all of the sudden and started fighting with me for no reason. We got a ride home, and the whole way back Andrew was yelling at me and calling me the c-word and telling me to f*** off. All for no reason! He said he was going to go spend the night at his sister's which I said was a very good idea.When we got back to my place he said he wanted to go in and grab a blanket and I told him I wasn't letting him into my house by himself, to which he told me to f*** off some more. When we got into the house he went absolutely wild and pushed me and even grabbed a knife and threatened me with it. Nick immediately jumped in the way and told him to back off. He got Andrew out of the house and on his way to his sisters'.After Andrew left, Nick asked me if I wanted him to stay and I was crying so I asked him if he would. He went outside to talk to Andrew for like a half an hour and when he got back he found me laying on the bathroom floor, drunk with bleeding wrists. He picked me up and washed off my arms and couldn't believe I had done it. I was just drunk and upset. I know it was stupid and I'm really not looking for advice on it, just telling how intense this whole situation was.Anyway, after that, Nick and I sat down on the couch together to chill and watch some TV, and both of us kept drinking. After a while we started to cuddle and one thing led to another and to make an already long story short, we wound up sleeping together.The next day Nick and I both agreed to just kind of pretend it never happened. Andrew kissed my ass the whole next day and eventually I decided to take him back. Now the three of us are back to the way things were (sort of), but I can't get this whole thing off my mind. It just eats away at me constantly.I don't really even know what my question here is. I guess I'm just looking for any advice about any part of this, and, of course, to get it off my chest. I know it was lengthy, so thank you so much for reading.Sincerely,Super Confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): you had a fight with your bf and conveniently had sex with his best friend. you just needed an excuse to f*ck the friend. if you were soooooooo traumatised you wouldnt be opening your legs. when are you geing to tell Andrew that you were doing the dirty with his friend. next time you have a fight what else will you do???????? and I am sre you are making Andrew feel like shit for fighting with you, little does he know that he has nothing to feel sorry about. you on the other hand, well................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): You are in some desperate need of help!! You need to contact AA and you need to stop drinking, okay?? Get rid of the men in your life - Andrew is a low-life and you should not be even in the same room as him!! As for Nick - he took advantage of you in your distressed state...
Get to see a pyschologist as you need to be evaluated and I suspect you are probably suffering from depression.
Slitting ones wrists is a cry for help, do you not have parents or family close by that you can go to for support??
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A
male
reader, jim0007 +, writes (8 December 2009):
1st of all you can't trust Andrew he is dangerous whild drinking! Don't get in that position again! An I think you do somehow need to forget what happened with Nick! You were both drunk an I'm sure it was very tender an sweet! But will get you guys both hurt if Andrew finds out!
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A
female
reader, Sminky  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 You have got yourself into an unfortunate situation and made some mistakes, but the way you are feeling about it now shows that you want to make a change. Please leave Andrew, you do not have to tell him about Nick, the moment he threatened you he lost any right he had over you. Break up with him for this, do it by phone or have someone with you and don't back down.People who drink are usually trying to block something out, if this is the case for you, you need to deal with it. The only other option is more drink, which will lead to more and worse situations than this, you'll drink more to forget and never escape the spiral. People with low self esteem can feel they deserve to be treated badly by people. You need to learn that you deserve more from life than this man. You have made mistakes but give yourself a break, you don't have to spend the rest of your life paying for them, or worse pay with your life. This will be very hard on your own so please get all the help you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): You my dear are a mess. You have a drinking problem and you choose to hang around violent low class men and let them use you.
I don't think any one would attempt to slash their wrists no matter how drunk or intense of upset they were. You have some major issues and perhaps even a mental health problem that you need medication for and intense therapy.
Have you had any of that or been diagnosed?
Your first step to recovery would be to break up with Andrew and tell him the truth, that you let his friend have sex with you as if you were something to be passed around between them. These guys have no respect for you and have proven without a shadow of a doubt that they are dangerous to be around. In fact take someone with you when you break up with Andrew or break up by text and email and have someone with you at home in case he tries to break into your place. If he does call the 911 and have him arrested. It is restraining order time.
The next step is to stop drinking at all, and to make an appointment with your family doctor and tell him you need a psych evaluation and you that you may be depressed.
I don't mean to sound harsh or mean, but you came on here for some honest help and I am giving it to you. If you keep on living this kind of life you or one of those guys will be dead by Christmas. Now how do you think that will make your family feel? Because this isn't all about you, you are living a life your parents would most likely be ashamed of and sad about if they knew.
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