A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who i have known for many years now an were really close an we get on so well. I used to really like him when i first met him but he was going out with someone so nothing could happen but we formed a really good friendship. i found out last year from him that he had told my best friend that he really liked me when we first met, but she never told me so he thought i never liked him. but we both realised the moment had passed so carried on as friends. When he broke up with his girlfriend i was in a relationship with someone else so we stayed friends and he helped me through some really tough times. now he is in a relationship with his new girlfriend who is one of my best friends and we still talk an see each other all the time which is great, im now not with my boyfriend but it always seems to be bad timing with him and me. but the other night i was at his house as he had some people round, his girlfriend seemed upset and wasnt really speaking to anyone, later on i saw them arguing. that night i text him to thank him for inviting me and hoped everything was okay with him and his girlfriend, but his response was that she had 'clicked' to how he felt about me and that was why she was annoyed. worried i went to speak to him and wanted to know if i was about to loose one of my best friends, but he told me she was annoyed at him for not spending time with him and it wasnt me. i was confused but realised i wasnt getting anything out of him so left but he just spoke to me online before and apologised for the message he sent saying how she had 'clicked' about how he felt about me and that he only sent it to let me know that he loves me and that his girlfriend doesnt know he likes me so she wont be annoyed with me and it wont be awkward between us. i dont know what to do...i feel guilty that he likes me as my best friend is not in a relationship with someone who loves her, but she loves him. and i would never want to cheat on her as i couldnt bring myself to do it to her. but i am confused as to wether my feelings for him are coming back and i think i may like him again, but i know im holding back so i dont hurt her. but should he be with her if he doesnt love her and he has feelings for me? i just cant stop asking myself the question? please give your thoughts x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Dear Poster
It is unfortunate for the bad timing; but sometimes these things happen with a reason.
This boy is not being fair to neither you nor your friend; if he does not love her why is he not breaking up with her? He is not being HONEST with her and that is not nice.
He tells you how he feels about you and is putting extra strain on the friendship between you and your friend; that is not very nice of him either;
I am starting to wonder if he is actually such a nice boy or if he is enjoying the "game".
I suggest you talk to him and tell him that he needs to be honest with your friend; if not you will have to tell her; don't allow him to make a fool of her; and I don't think you want to rush into anything with him immediately; if he really cares about you; suggest that out of respect for you friend the two of you should just "cool" it for sometime before seeing each other more seriously; see if he can wait for you for a while or will he just rush off to somebody else. It will be a great way to see how serious this boy is about you or if he is just playing "games".
Be very careful before you hurt your friend or destroy your friendship; if this boy is sincere give him the opportunity to proof it.
You are a good friend and I hope your friend appreciates your loyalty.
Take good care of yourself. Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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