A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HEllo,i have an 12yr old daughter who told me over this. Weekend she is bisexual she told me she have had these type of feelings since last yr.Iam totally Shock and concerned i don't know what to do or say i'd ask her have she ever been with a girl she said no.I'd also ask her have she ever kiss a boy she said no.I need advice a.s.a.p Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I think it's GREAT that your 12 year old came to you with this. That says a lot about what a great parent you are that your kid feels she can trust you with something so important to her!
Be proud of how you have raised her so far.
AND RELAX. I think every kid is bi at age 12... we are still figuring out ourselves at this point in life.
since she's not kissed a girl or a boy yet, it's all still magical thinking in her head and she is probably not sure yet what's really going on (and that's normal)
It's very nice in this day and age that kids can be so much more open about sexuality and to be honest I think for many being Bi or bay is considered way cooler than the "boring" "normal" way of doing things.
Just love her and accept her and don't worry. Listen to her and try not to judge in any way shape or form. Make sure she always feels she can come to you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 April 2013):
 Calm down. She is ONLY 12 and getting her first burst of hormones, no wonder she thinks she is bi.
Just love her, she is the same kid as she was before she told you. It might just be a phase, it might not.
I would just have some open and honest discussions about whatever topic she wants. And I would encourage her to hold off on the whole sex thing for a few years still.
I have to say that it might be a bit of a fad too. I know my middle daughter thinks her half-brother (who is gay) is the best thing since sliced bread. Why? Because being gay isn't such a stigma as it used to be. I have talked to her about it and I encourage her to love her half-brother, but NOT because of his sexual orientation, but because he is who he is. She is 10 by the way. It seems to be VERY popular to be bi-sexual these days.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): I came out to my mom around 14 years old and had felt that way ever since I could develop crushes. The most important thing that you can do is be supportive, for her to come out to you means she obviously trusts you and you can put the same trust back into her, let her make that decision. It may be a phase it may not be, 12 is a little young to date anyone anyways so keep calm and communicate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): You need to be calm. She's 12. Its normal to be curious at her age. Shes going through some big changes as far as pueberty is concerned. Its a very difficult time because shes still figuring out who she is what she does and doesnt like, ect and this will continue in to her twenties. Be compassionate and supportive, but I wouldnt take it to heart too much, yet. Dont make a big desl of it. Tell her all that matters is that she is safe and happy. She isnt old enough to be kissing boys or girls. Wait until shes 17 or 18 and ask her about it again. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): She's 12. She doesn't know who she is. What she is. I am surprised she even knows what the word Bisexual even means.
If she still feels the same way about BOTH sexes by the time she is 18, then you can be safe in the knowledge it is not just some phase that all the cool kids are doing. That it actually is what she is.
And if it turns out she is, why should you care? She can love whoever she wants to when she's old enough to understand what that means, old enough to have an opinion on ANY subject matter an adult can take seriously...
But she's 12, she doesn't have an opinion on something unless you say she does. She is not old enough for independence.
-Anon
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A
female
reader, Cherrybomb13 +, writes (21 April 2013):
Just accept her. She might change her mind, but even if she doesn't, just accept her. Love your child before they look for love elsewhere...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): Hi there,Your message was quite brief so I'm not sure how to help.Is your concern about the fact that she's started developing feelings of attraction? Or are you concerned about the fact that she likes girls? Or are you concerned that she likes both rather than either or?The reason why I ask is because before you know what to do you have to understand exactly what it is that's shocking you or concerning you. You have to unpack your own feelings about the matter because your reaction is *critical* to how your daughter feels now and as she grows up.I'd say your daughter has shown a lot of trust in you and your support for her to come to you with this at such an early age. She's still very young and she needs her mother to provide unconditional, unjudgemental love, wisdom and support.The fact that she's come to you with this means you have a golden opportunity to help her understand sexuality and the importance of healthy relationships.I am bisexual. My parents are very conservative and because I knew they wouldn't accept it, I didn't tell them. But they are my parents and they found out. They sat me down and quoted the bible saying it was evil and it was the devil's influence for me to even be attracted to other women. Needless to say, this deeply hurt me. It caused a rift between us that we cannot bridge. I can never completely be myself at home. I always have to watch what I say. I can not be open about who my friends are or what they are like because I feel that my parents will not accept me the way I am.At the same time, I cannot deny what I feel. I knew my sexuality before I'd been with anyone. I am attracted to both men and women. I have dated both men and women before I found the one. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for 3 years whom I love and am planning to settle with (marriage, children etc). I am completely happy with him because I choose to be with him. I did not listen to my parents when they tried to suppress me which I am very glad of because I would have always wondered whether there is more. I have confidence because I know and accept who I am. But a part of me will always feel like I am not good enough for my parents, that I never will be. This makes me very sad.I don't wish it for your daughter...
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A
male
reader, droberts7357 +, writes (21 April 2013):
As odd as it seemed to me at first, my 15 year old son has known gay, lesbian, bi and even transsexual kids (peers) for several years.
As a parent the best you can do is cover safe sex from all angles, and love your daughter ever day. You might want to call her school's guidance office to see what resources are available to help her. Your community probably also has resources.
Twelve is pretty young, and she may refine her preference as she gets older, but she might also not. We live in an America where children are freer than ever before to explore/identify with non-traditional sexual identities.
With the right support from you and her family she will be amazing.
Good luck!
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