A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Will taking a relationship slow really count in the end?Well, the guy I like and myself aren't even in a relationship. But, we know how we feel about each other. All our friends know how we feel for each other and encourage us to get into a relationship, but neither of us are taking that step. We've been like this for a good half a year and we've also talked about what could happen. Our main reasons for holding off is so that we can concentrate on our final year of school without distractions, which we both totally respect seeing as we're both high achieving students. We both also really like the stage where we're at--no committment, therefore no reasons for fighting, but we're both loyal or 'reserved' for each other for an unknown time. I'm willing to wait and so is he, just think of this as a relationship slowed down a million times. Sex is not an issue since we're both celibate, or at least not sexually active yet. Is this a healthy friendship/relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): We've discussed our feelings and we decided together that it'd be best to hold off til the end of school. You could flip the role and say that I'm the one not willing to get in the relationship, but it's simply because we're two very similar people and we want the same things. In this case, we both know that we can't afford distractions in our last year. We've been on a couple of dates during the holidays (he took me out for my birthday, it was a lovely surprise) but other than that, we've strictly had study dates.
A different partnership to most, I would admit. We've both got an insane amount of self control, but that doesn't mean that the 'desire' is not there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): I get the feeling you'd be willing to have a relationship in a heartbeat if he were up to it. Truth is he has created many excuses to not have one with you. School does not stand in the way of a guy who really wants to be with you. There are always goals in life we are aiming for and people have relationships all the time despite them. Truth is, loyalty comes with commitment and nothing less than that. If he wanted to be loyal to you and no other and reserve himself for you, he would have already committed to you. He likes the status quo, friendship, so best to assume you are just friends and always will be unless he is prepared to be official. There is a good reason he is not committing to you and it isn't because he has homework. It's most likely because he doesn't want to commit to you because the desire to isn't there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Sounds great--you have a good sense of priorities (final year of school--very important) and mutual respect for each other. And you already have the assurance of mutual feelings, so no worries that you'll lose each other if you don't jump into things. Enjoy it for what it is, but don't feel bad if your friendship turns into a relationship sooner than you're expecting now. :)
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