A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:You'd think I would be smarter than this, however, I used to be friends with "Jan" and "Martha". We were known as the 3 Musketeers, but until 5 years ago, Jan decided she no longer wanted to be friends with Martha because of her behavior and just the overall nature of Martha. You see, Martha has a tendency to be blunt when it comes to saying things. On top of it, Martha is schizophrenic and epileptic. She is taking medication and until 3 years ago, she got married to a wonderful man who knows about her illness. 5 years ago, Jan decided she had enough with Martha's shenanigans. Martha can be mean sounding when she says something that was meant to be "helpful" in some way. For some reason, I think her illness makes her more outspoken without thought to what the content was meant to convey. Anyhow, Jan left us and I wanted to leave as well, but I felt without a friend to lean on, Martha would be alone. I was angry with Jan at the same time considering she could be selfish as well. I was given the opportunity to work at a very nice office, however, Jan wanted the job adn told me that I would never survive a week adn most likely be fired. I am not good in the office and she just kept goign on to the point where I finally realized maybe I should not take the job. I didn't and well you guessed it...she took the job. She is a lawyer by profession so you can see, she does her job well. She can be really angry with you for weeks and at times in the past would ask Martha to go out with her to shop and dine and have fun. I asked why I wasn't invited and they started talking to each other in their language (yes they're bilingual) and then answered me that I woudl be bored. I was upset to tears but said okay. As you can see, I'm frustrated at the fact that Martha wants Jan back in her life like it was before, but her husband and myself can see that by the way Jan's been treating Martha (like asking Martha to meet her somewhere and then leaving 5 minutes later with the gift they exchanged). I feel like telling her open your eyes, but she won't and doesn't want to. I feel for Martha and am angry with Jan but it seems like Jan is teasing her. Can you help me in anyway to see the light? Do I just hang by the side and watch? Am I right to feel upset? Help!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your input and advice. I've been friends with these women for almost 20 years. I've decided to distance myself from these women and decided to put more energy into me and the things I want to do. I've been thinking more about what I want and where I want to go. I intend to fix my self image, and to believe more in myself as a person too. People taking advantage of others or thinking only of themselves or putting out bad vibes...I don't want that. I want friendship not a competition. Thank you for helping me to open my eyes to opportunities out there.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 December 2010):
 I wouldn't get involved. In fact, these don't sound like too good of friends. Perhaps things were quite different 5 years ago but Jan just sound like a backstabbing bitch and Martha, well, nieve and troubled seem like appropriate adjectives.
I'd be distancing myself from them and looking for some new friends. Jan has a motive in reconnecting with Martha, you can be pretty sure of that. Just as they had a motive to exclude you by talking in a different language. That's extremely rude and condescending.
Don't ever let anyone convince you that you're incapable of something. A friend would encourage you, even if they are going for the same job. Jan uses people. Don't let her keep using you.
Definitely stay out of it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Your turning it into a competition; who owns who and who's the best friend.
Suggest that you refuse to play these games; take the oportunity to find yourselves some new friends (non-game players).
Tough but fair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I find this whole situation childish and immature. I think you should break ties with both women as I dont logically see how they benefit your life with anything.
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