A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've had an online girlfriend for over a year now, I love her so much. I know many people have doubts about online relationships and i understand the reasons why, but I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me.Things have been wonderful for over a year and finally it's possible for us to see each other in real life. I will be flying to her country in a weeks time!The problem is, lately she has started to be very nervous about it. At first she was nervous saying she didn't know if I'd like her in reality and I did my best to reassure her. Now she is acting different and seems so afraid of meeting, she said she tries to not think about it much as it makes her feel more worried and afraid.She says she wants to see me, she loves me and wants to spend her life with me, that i'm the perfect boyfriend and she knows i really love her. She told me her problem is that she worries in person it won't be the same and she'll ruin it. She thinks she always finds a reason to reject boys even silly little reasons and she is afraid it will happen with me, and she is sad as she doesn't want to lose me for her silliness. she still treats me affectionately but seems to just generally be worried about meeting. She wants to be sure the idea she has of me as a person is the same person she will meet and that the connection is there in person as well as online.she said that i always give her the encouragement she needs and it's a blessing to have me in her life. She told me she loves me and hopes i will never doubt that.I really don't want to lose her and i want more than anything to make her happy when i meet her. The problem is i'm quite shy and i always had confidence with her as I know she loves me but now she is worrying about this and worrying she will reject me i feel less confident and i don't want to be terribly shy when i meet her.I'll only be with her for 4 days so these are 4 very important days, perhaps its just that which is bothering her?any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): First of all, I don't understand why people are saying this is just a fantasy relationship. I understand it's not the same as being with someone physically and getting to spend time with them face to face, but you still dedicate your time and your heart to someone. You invest a part of your life and your emotions into this one person and that is a commitment. It's not just words, it is hours and hours of talking to them, getting to know them, and becoming closer to them. Love doesnt need a physical bond in order to manifest itself. Secondly, I can understand where she is coming from. You two have established this relationship and meeting in person will change that in a positive or a negative way. She would rather stick to having this bond with you now, than potentially risk losing everything by meeting and not feeling that some closeness. It is natural to be scared, but I also understand how you feel also. With TV shows and movies discussing people not being who they say they are online, it's hard to not have those thoughts and doubts in the back of your mind. Questioning if there is something more to her not wanting to meet. I say, as long as you are within your financial means, take the trip and at least get to meet her. At the same time, keep your reservations about you and realize that things might in fact be different in person. You still have an incredible person you have gotten to grow close too and you should cherish that. Meeting is one thing, but continuing to make this work will be an even greater challange. You can fall even more in love with her after meeting, but it will be hard to constantly travel. Try to reassure her about everything. Help her see how bad you truly want this and how willing you are to make it happen. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you want to share that experience with her. Try to talk about everything and have her explain all her concerns. Things might be different after meeting, but you will always feel that connection to her and be there for her. Don't ever let being shy hold you back. Whether it is in this situation or any other. You have to try your hardest to overcome it and realize all the good in you. Let that good come through in your actions in life and you will be confident. You are willing to talk to this girl, travel to be with her, and you care about her with all your heart. You have nothing to worry about, because that is what truly matters. Stay strong, stay positive, and I hope things work out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): You have been carrying on a fantasy relationship for a year. None of it has been realistic, with anything in real life. Yes, it would make anyone nervous actually interacating and seeing each other in real life after all that time. Hopefully this is the reason why she is nervous because it would suck to find out she isn't anything you thought she was. And be prepared for both of you to feel really uncomfortable when you meet in person. A real relationship with two people who have met IRL, feels attraction, they feel lots of things but the two of you have built a relationship on a computer screen...it's just not natural. Best of luck to you.
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