A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am depressed, looking for a doctor for the first time, and have been in a relationship for a little over a year. When we met I was in a pretty good place emotionally and had a very happy relationship for about five months. We are very much in love and are moving into our own apartment in a couple weeks (he's been living with me for awhile, though we share a place with my sister). This winter I had a bad breakdown, due to the holidays and other factors, mostly the chemical imbalance thing. He grew up with a depressed brother and says he understands the disease, but it's rough on the relationship because he feels he can't make me happy and doesn't see me putting forth enough effort to get help (depressive procrastination, excuses, fear, etc..) There are two things that are bothering me. First, when there's a problem, such as I do or say something that makes him angry or something is really getting to him, he just sort of shuts down. I know he needs time to think and doesn't want to say something he doesn't mean, but the silence kills me. I don't know if I'd rather just have him yell at me or SOMETHING, so I didn't wish I were invisible. I don't know if this is something I can deal with forever. Also, the sex is lacking. We've discussed it numerous times. Basically, he's worried about his finances and employment and my mood, and the sex drive just isn't there. He says sometimes it seems like it's "just one more thing on the list". I need it more than once a month, but I don't know if I want him to just pretend for me. It would be easier maybe if I could see an end to this, but sometimes I get scared that the intimacy will just never come back. Just asking for some general advice until I can get some professional help (and some couples' therapy, which we've discussed). thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2007): I have sufferd from deprssion for many years and only just got help for my illness. Unaware of how your depression affects you i believe you should not put pressure on yourself by blameing yourself for the problems you have in your relationship. You need to think is it fair for your partner to suffer and to make you suffer in return.I have just finshed my relationship so i can concentre on getting my self well. If your partner understand your illness im sure he will support you thought this diffecult time take a chance on him it my surprise you
A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (17 March 2007):
 You have been in a relationship for a little over a year.Did he change his attitude to you after your breakdown?No and it's because he is very much in love with you.He "he just sort of shuts down" as it's a reasonable reaction to your situation.If he got more emotionally involved each time, he wouldn't be able to still be with you.And no YOU ARE NOT "just one more thing on the list".
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