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anonymous
writes: Hi, Recently my girlfriend had a miscarriage, so she came and spent a week with me, to try and get over it. Over the week we had such a good time. Then on the day she was going home she must have got upset by something I did. So I told her to hurry up and leave my house, and because of it, she now wants to be friends. I know she don't really mean it because she was planning to try for another baby, and planning to be with me for long. How do I get her to forgive me?? I really love her and it's eating me up :( !! Reply to this Question
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reader, REBECCA +, writes (13 April 2005):
HiThis is coming from someone who has had 2 miscarrages and could possibly tell you how she's feeling!I was so excited about being pregnant, and when I went to the hospital to have a check up the doctor turned round and just said your baby is dead you will probably miscarry this week if you do don't worry and just tell your nurse!I felt like my whole world had ended a part of my husband and I had died! I felt lost and alone and my husband got shouted at because he had a go at me for crying one evening! Well the guys have just the mental pain of losing a baby as they haven't really been apart of it's life. Where as the women has bonded already!!! This is soooo important to understand she feels she has failed as a women and partner and mother!!!!If you were abrupt with her apologise as these are the times to make or break a relationship if you want one that is? Send her flowers, tell her that you would like to know how she feels and listen!If she just wants to be friends after you apologise then don't push that! as she is very delicate at the momentTake Care
A reader, Mike, writes (24 March 2005): Hey,Wow. I know exactly how you feel. My girlfriend just broke up with me (we guys also somehow manage to mess up, so for the girls, please be patient with us).I do have good news for you in this one, she wants to stay friends... it could be worse.I am going to say my favorite word in the world now, honesty. Tell her how you feel about her! Did you tell her that you really love her and it is eating you up inside? If not, DO!Also, be willing to give her time. I would suggest something like this:"I am sooo sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you, and I am not sure why I got so mad (I guess the miscarriage hurt me as much as it hurt you). The truth of it is that I can't live without you... and I can not stand knowing that you are mad at me. Please forgive me! I don't want to see you hurt, and I will do my best never to hurt you again, but I will probably mess up again, so please be patient with me.If you still would like to just be friends I can understand, but I just wanted you to know how I feel."And be prepared to give her some time! Believe it or not, but girls don't always understand us guys (just as we misunderstand them sometimes). She is hurt (without a doubt) not only about what you said, but about the miscarriage. She is probably questioning herself, and she may need some time. The important thing is that you let her know how you feel, and no matter what that you will be there for her (and then do be there when she needs you to be).Good Luck,Mike
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