A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have just came back from turkey i meet a lovely kurdish waiter i spent two days with him before returning home he was lovely to me treated me like a princess he has a kurdish wife and daughter back home in east turkey he told me about his wife he says he does not love her it was an arranged marriage by his mother he says he loves me very much as never felt like this before i am going back to turkey very soon to spend a week with him in marmaris he says he wants to come to britian for holiday to see me but also wants to work here he says we will talk about everything when i go back he says he needs a cure to marry me and me be his only wife what does this mean a cure should i be wary of this man he made me feel like no other man has before Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Go to the filthyliars.com or liarscheatsandbastards.com to see what is written about Kurdish waiters in Marmaris and nearby Icmeler. Lots of women are now naming and shaming them.
So many women have been scammed in these resorts by these CHARMING waiters and they are all the same after sex, money and visa. They make you feel SPECIAL. It does not matter how old you are to them. They are disgusting. I know I had a lucky escape or I would be on holiday with one of them now as I write.
If you hear the words, problems or business is bad, or family is sick need money - RUN A MILE !!
A
female
reader, blue_eyes1981 +, writes (15 September 2010):
 He wants to obtain a Bitish Passport once he has that you will be out of the picture. Do not lower yourself to this this man will make a fool out of you - don't go and see him do not contact him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Most Kurdish men think "American" and "Western" women are women of "loose" morals. I lived in the Netherlands for may years, the men from this community were quite aggressive about pursing women who were out on the streets at night. I know this, because my daughter was a teenager going out with friends at night and she would regularly have groups of boys coming up and groping them *While They Were Just Walking Down The Street* [I'm not kidding] and then picking fights with the boys that they were with!!! In the meanwhile, their own women were sequestered at home, covered up and told what they could and could not do! Coming from a country like Canada, THAT is both sexist and racist behavior to me, sequestering your own women and attacking all others, but even living in a modern liberal country like the Netherlands they still exert extreme pressure within their community to conform to old ways, customs and religious beliefs. Inside their own country, the people on the coastline are very progressive, but if he is from the interior and that is where his family is from, he may not have very liberal views; he may have simply told you what you wanted to hear because that is what men do when they are "on the make". I would chalk this up to a summer romance because I think you would be totally shocked after finding out what kind of values he and his family believe in and from what you have said, I am afraid that this is probably the case.I say all this as it is my direct observation coming from the most liberal country in the world, Canada, and with apologies to anyone of Turkish decent who is living with the same values as the western world or any culture that they are assimilating with outside of their own country. I'm not apologizing to anyone who thinks groping strange girls is acceptable because "only whores go out at night", even when they live outside of their own country and wish to impose their customs on everyone else. My impression, because I love Turkey and it is one of my favorite places to visit, was that the people within their own country were progressing; but those who moved away were firmly trying to keep outdated traditions and ideas going. Yes, I am still pissed. And on a regular basis, any retaliation defending the girls resulted in cell phone calls that brought MORE attackers; the result of which was permanent brain damage from a 2" x 4" to one of the boys who defended the girls, a 15 year old, just a teenager, going out at night, ruining the rest of his future. Take honeypie's advice. All of it. Especially the Culture Shock part.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (15 September 2010):
Hi,
It means that you have to sleep with him, give him all your money & assets and a British Passport..then he may leave his wife come to UK and marry you until he has the right to stay in the UK...then bye bye...ohh and can I have the house too?
Sorry to be so blunt, But I have heard this line SOOO many times when I have been to countries outside the UK with waiters chatting up British women...thier charm is amazing isnt it? (And ot think it gets used EVERY 2 weeks or so when new batch of tourists arrive...until they hit the jackpot!!)..pity some of the guys back here dont go to the same charm school and treat our women the same!!
I'm sure he told you that he and his wife dont share a bed anymore....or that he only married her for his family honour...etc
Dont be fooled!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Um.....he is using you to get into the UK. End of story, run far far away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): hi he is a muslim kurd i have no intention of marrying him until i am satisfied he is the man for me he is a lovely man he has been very honest with me about his wife and daughter and previous realtions with british woman i am going back to turkey to see him very soon i will take it from there see what happens
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): hi he is a muslim kurd we havent talked about marriage as such he just said he needed a cure for me to be his only wife i have no intention to marry him until i know him properly i like him very much there is lots of cultural differences between us i am going back to turkey to see him very soon i will see how it goes and take it from there
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Gosh Red Flags are screaming at me all over your post! Please take a step back from this and think about it logically. I'll also warn you that Turkey is a very strict country and they are notorious for chatting up western girls (quickly and efficiently I might add) to marry someone from the West and gain entry into the EU via marriage to a British Citizen and all the benefits that come with that little handy number!
Ask him if that is his intention and he will laugh and say no!
Seriously girl, he is married.. (unhappy maybe) but that isn't your problem and I bet my bottom dollar he doesnt love you after two days. Don't go there, it may be the biggest mistake you'll ever make. Whatever you choose to do, I hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, Italie +, writes (15 September 2010):
 I fell for a Turkish waiter when I was 20 and felt exactly the same as you. They are experts at telling you what you want to hear and making you feel so special so when you come back to reality no man compares, but it's all a well practiced an act i'm afraid.
I ended up engaged and spent a lot of time out there and saw them in action. Every 2 weeks they had a new girl that they were 'engaged' to and who they spun the same lines to but stupidly I believed my relationship was different - as everyone does. I became good friends with quite a few and asked why they do it. The answer was that if they have lots of girls who come to see them every 2 weeks they'll get regular sex and gifts, s most have more money than them. It also breaks the monotony as, as you know, they work all day every day and that can get very boring. The ultimate is to find one that they can marry and get into the country through. Even our benefits system is so much more attractive than having to work all the hours God sends.
You'll be so head over heels at the moment that you wont want to think this of him but PLEASE dont give him money (although probably at this point he hasnt yet asked you/hinted for for any) and take plenty of time before you make more of a commitment. Perhaps during this time you'll realise that it's a mistake. It took 2.5 years before I caught mine out - they really are that good.
Read the Women's magazines - there is story after story from women who believed their relationship was different and got conned. Think about it under normal circumstances - if you'd only known a guy here for 2 days and he was talking about leaving his wife and marrying you you'd be a little freaked out. That's because it's not normal.
Please be careful, and dont trust him blindly. If you are going to go back make sure you take a friend with you. Dont be alone and vulnerable in a foreign country with someone you think you know - they dont have respect for women that you think they do and many girls, including a friend of mine, were raped by waiters in Altinkum and Marmaris when I was there. The police give them a slap and it's brushed under the carpet. PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!!
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 September 2010):
You've know him two days and he's already married to another women. Bad sign, as HoneyPie says.
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female
reader, jonaly  +, writes (15 September 2010):
ok, its a hard question, though you must consider things:
1. he has a kid, that needs family specially father.
2. his wife, that also needs him for their family.
And if the guy, really loves you he will divorced his wife and willing to give up everything, just to marry you.
ask him, "are you willing to give up everything just to marry me?"
then if he answers yes, then let him prove it,
then if he answers no, he still loves his family.
so just get out in their life and find another,
though its not easy thing as"forget" and find another
because he is unique that is why you love him.
let him decide and after that if you really love him then.
gogogogo!!!
remember there is always a risk on that, so just be ready
ok?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 September 2010):
 Is he a Christian or Jewish Kurd?
"Cure" might mean permission from his priest/rabbi.
However, I feel a need to STRONGLY warn you to slow down. You spend 2 days with this man and you already talk marriage? WHILE he is still married? Be it an arranged marriage or not, this is a HUGE red flag, honey.
Seems to me like he is either having some summer-fun with a tourist or looking to get a visa/work permit to the UK.
YOU don't know this man. YES, you need to be very wary.
There is a HUGE cultural difference between him and you, though for many this doesn't matter, you still need to understand that you BOTH will have a lot to learn before even considering marriage.
I think you need to put the whole marriage plan on hold til the two of you know each other better -and I don't mean in the biblical sense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): He wants to find a way to get his wife out of the picture so that he can marry you for the sole purpose of getting into the UK.
Dont fall for his stupid stories - he is a married man, sorry, a lying, cheating married man!
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