A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i dont even know where to start because im soo confused. my husband and i have been married for about 8 months. when things are good they are awesome! but lately his mood has been rocky, one week he is soo sweet and nice and loving, then he starts drinking or ill look at him the wrong way and he starts caling me horrible names and basically being mentally abusive. this happens off and on. Well the other night he was in the shower and i got a message from an old friend (6th grade) he just said hi and asked how i was i told him i was good, married, etc. I didnt tell my husband because i didnt want to set him off and make him mad at me. i didnt feel that he should be mad at me about that but i knew he would. NOW all because he found out i didnt tell him this he wants a DIVORCE. he is seriouse he said the one thing he tld me never to do was lie to him. he doesnt want to forgive me because he aid then i will know i can do anything. i know i made the situation worse by not telling him but i was scared he would freak out on me. what should i do? i told him i will do anything. i dont want a divorse i want to make him trust me. i dont think this is a reason to get DIVORCED!
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (14 March 2007):
Someone who is mentally abusive is as bad as someone who is physically abusive.
You are clearly very scared of him, else you wouldn't be keeping innocent things from him.
Ask yourself what you are getting out of this marriage? Is he making you happy? Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?
You have two choices here really: (i) agree, say you do want a divorce, that he is horrible to live with, horrible to you, and that as far as you're concerned you'd be better off without him or (ii) disagree, say you love him, you think he has lost the plot, and ask him to come to counselling with you.
I would warn you (ii) is the very hard way, and he sounds like someone who doesn't even realise he has a problem. It would be like as if you want him to speak to you in, say, fluent Japanese, when the only word he knows is "sushi" - think how long it would take for him to learn, even if he wants to.
You are still young. Get yourself some counselling and work out what you can learn from this - how do you pick this guy, why did you marry him, what went wrong, and what will you do differently next time.
A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Ok to me he seems to be controlling. Nothing good comes from this kind of relationship. He's trying to control you by saying he wants a divorce. No normal adult would want a divorce over that.
What you need to do is tell him to stop calling you names and stop the drinking as this causes him to be an ass. If he doesn’t do this them you want the bloody divorce.
Don’t let him control you, because if you do he will control your whole life. Plus after 8 months your marriage is like this. You should be in the honeymoon period. Tell him to get his act together or you’re gone.
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