A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is very very stupid question-I met this amazing boyfriend of mine about 9 months ago! (we are in a relationship for 7 months) I know every boyfriend in this world is amazing but he is super nice. He thinks i am the prettiest,nicest,funniest and coolest and it shows how much he loves me every time we see , chat to each other..before this great boyfriend, I had a date with this man for a month, we were seeing each other at least 3 times a week.. i slept with him after a month and after that i have not heard from him for about a month.. then he got back to me.. then we met again and had some sort of casual relationship- he said he was out of 1 year relationship when he met me (he broke up with the ex about a month or two before met me) and he does not want something serious right now but likes me a lot and loves to hang out with me.we did hang out like that for about 2 months more..then i was abroad, missing this guy but I met my current boyfriend there and i forgot about the ex(i am not sure if i could call him ex since we werent in a relationship but u know what i mean anyways).. had an amazing time always together, feeling loved and safe, happy being with him.. i came back home after 3 months (me and my boyfriend is currently in a long distance relationship).. and the ex wanted to see me. he was as nice as usual (thats the one thing i do not get about him- he remembers every small things i told him, and wrote me a card on my birthday and bought me present and taking me to places etc..) the moment i met him, i realised that this was not the best idea (of seeing ex again) we had a chat for a while and then i never talked to him again because eventhough nothing happened I felt like i am cheating on my current boyfriend..this was like 6 months ago, and now i miss my boyfriend and wish we could be together and etc.. but somehow i would like to see my ex or hang out with him... i do not understand why... i am so terrible...what should i do? or more of what am i thinking? ... thank you for reading this endless message of mine!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :) x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): You're not in the least bit terrible. You simply made a connection with your ex, even though your relationship was a casual one. And the intermittent nature of it (i.e.: him being around often, then not at all for months, then popping up again out of the blue) made it impossible for you to get closure, as each time you were left wondering if/when you'd see him again.
A fair amount of time has passed now since you last hung out with him though, and yet a part of you still wants to; ask yourself why. Is it because, although you're happy with your boyfriend, the fact you're long-distance is making you miss the comfort of someone in physical proximity? Or, might you not want to be in such a serious relationship deep down, and secretly long for the no-strings thing you had going on with your ex? Or, did you hope at the time that your ex would eventually change his mind about not wanting anything serious and decide to be with you instead? These are just a few suggestions – only you can truly know the answer.
If you honestly want to be with your boyfriend, then try to put your ex out of your mind. If you're feeling lonely, spend time with other friends, cultivate hobbies etc. And if you ever hear from your ex again, tell him politely but firmly that you no longer wish to be in contact with him - there's no other way to move on once and for all, I'm afraid! In time, these emotions will fade to leave only memories which you'll look back upon with nothing more than fondness. Remember, you need never feel guilty about your feelings – it's how you act upon them that matters :) Good luck and take care x
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