A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A couple months ago my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had a mastectomy on one side last week. We think it was detected early, the doctors are quite encouraging, and she seems to be recovering marvelously from the surgery. Final test results should be in by tomorrow, and it could be the only additional treatment will be some hormone drugs for the next 5 years. For now there won't be any reconstruction, but that option is still open.But . . . will there ever be "healing"? We're older people, with children grown to adulthood. I'll bet we've been married longer than most of you have been alive. I think that long time together actually makes this worse. It's like this hits me as much as it's hitting her. I don't love her any less - maybe more. We've done plenty of talking and kissing and hugging. (At least one-sided hugs.) The heck with house, jobs, people - I only want to hold her and make it all go away.She gets around the house and we have even walked around the block twice since she came home. She came home with a special support bra and a tube that drains the swelling from her incision. They said there's no dressing or bandage to change, just watch for any signs of infection, and she can even shower if she'd like. But she doesn't want to look, won't take the bra off, or even let me look to see if the incision is OK. I've been helping her do a basin-bath every other day.Friends, neighbors, and our kids are all pitching in to help with meals, housework, etc.Has anybody else been through this? Any suggestions on what else I should do? I'm not worried about sex right now. We were doing it about 3 or 4 times a month before this, and I hope we'll get back to that pattern when it doesn't hurt her to be hugged or touched "there".
View related questions:
bra , drugs, kissing Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 I am glad to hear she is keeping herself (and you) busy. You are both in my thoughts, and prayers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings are better . . . and worse.
She has looked at herself. It's really not bad at all. Definitely different, and certainly not like the other side, but I don't find it the least repulsive. Someday maybe I can tease her about having as much boobage on that side as I have, but not now. We've tried lovemaking and sex. She can't find a position where she's not worried about getting bumped in the surgical site, which is still rather sore.
Some more testing shows the cancer may have already spread. We're scheduling more doctor's appointments to get the full story and discuss options.
She's keeping herself busy for its own sake. In fact she's becoming something of a busy-body. Today she was on the phone to schedule an appointment - and after all the "relationshiping" and "communicating" and "multi-tasking" she did with the scheduler, she forgot when the appointment was! And she can't raise one arm yet - but that didn't stop her from deciding to replace all the shelf paper, and paint interiors, of all the kitchen cabinets. Well, she didn't do much of the work . . . unfortunately, I work from a home office so there hasn't been much employment-work done while she has me help with the busy-work.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): You sound like a wonderful couple and a devoted husband. It will take time but you are
doing all the right things, I'll have you both in my thoughts.....all the best for a healthy and blessed future together. I only wish that more men if the younger generation were like you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (23 November 2009):
You wife may need some counselling, it seems her mental state is not as healthy as her physical.
A friend of mine had both breasts removed late September. Within two weeks of coming home she was out and about doing her normal things, she is getting back into her community work and doing volunteer duty at the Senior Citizens Centre. Usually she doesnt bother with a bra or prosthesis, but did buy a pair of "boobies" for her daughters wedding. I do know there was some concern for a short time with drainage issues after she came home (home being small country town, her surgery happened 4 hours drive away). With a caring GP and supportive friends she seems to be well on the way to recovery.
I would suggest you enquire about a support group for your wife, so that she can at least mix with other women with whom she can share her experiences whilst learning from theirs.
...............................
|
