A
female
age
30-35,
*ealGirlNextDoor
writes:About a year and a half ago myself and my current boyfriend took some time apart from our relationship due to the fact that I hadn't gotten over my ex boyfriend and bumping into him again had caused old feelings to emerge.During this "time off" and after quite a few drinks i thought it would be a good time to talk to my ex. One thing lead to another and we started to have sex, we stopped half way through because we both felt it was immature and unnecessary. After all this I understood that I was being immature and selfish and that he was my past and that my boyfriend was who I truley wanted to be with. We've been together for two years now, but I can't get over the fact that I never told him this happened. it's something that's still in the back of my mind and that I feel I should tell him, but it was such a long time ago. I know I'm going to keep feeling guilty about it, so should I stick feeling guilty about what happened or just tell him and feel that i'm not hiding anything from him? My boyfriend is very understanding in general, but I'm not sure about this one.
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female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor +, writes (27 January 2011):
RealGirlNextDoor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you for your advice. If it hadn't been for you I wouldn't have been able to do the right thing. He's still a bit touchy but it's normal and as all relationships we'll eventually move on and be back to normal. For now I'm just giving him all the time he needs and making sure he knows how much I adore him. Thank you so much!
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think you did the right thing. The results seem to be great by now, and I wish you good luck. Anyway the mind of a guy can be really tricky so stay alert. And make him feel reassured in the relationship and let him know how much you love him.
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A
female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor +, writes (27 January 2011):
RealGirlNextDoor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I told him yesterday.. a lot of tears and anger, but we've been able to talk about it and how we feel about the whole situation and I was very suprised how he took it. He's never shouted at me before and I didn't think this time would be different, but he took it a lot better than I thought and has forgiven me completly. I'm very happy that I've been able to tell him, still quite sad about everything I did but I will always say that telling your partner 100% everything,, and therefore having a transparent relationship is always the way to go. I've learnt to never keep anything locked away and to be a little more mature in my future actions.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (26 January 2011):
In my own opinion, what happens during a break is part of your relationship. You can start dating a guy and never tell him about your past. But in this case, if you don't tell him anything. He will assume nothing happened during that period.
I think most people in his place would be angry after finding out. Specially after one and a half year. But hiding it from him seems not to be working.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): "took some time apart from our relationship""During this "time off""Assuming that this is fully correct, and you were "not in a relationship" at the time this occurred, then I wouldn't say anything.However, if you lied to your boyfriend about any of this, then that is a problem and you need to fix the problem. Own up to the truth, accept what may come, and learn from it.Lying has no place in an intimate relationship, it causes exactly what you are experiencing...guilt...destructive guilt.
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A
female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor +, writes (26 January 2011):
RealGirlNextDoor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been a year and a half since this, but I just keep imagining our future and this lie still in my head.. Thanks to all of you, I think I'm going to tell him when I next can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This thing is eating at you and will erode any chance of a future with your bf. So u decide, either to tell him or die a slow death, each and every day with your secret.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Well youve already tried the option of keeping quiet. You've been trying it for the last two years. How happy are you about it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I think it would be best to probably tell him, I'm a guy and I would of course want to know. Even if I had no idea I wouldn't want my gf to go around feeling like that cause guilt sucks I hate having a guilty consience so I wouldn't put my gf through that if I could help it. Be ready for him to be supremely pissed off but if he loves you he will reason and eventually understand and let it go. Think about if he ends up being the one for you would you want to hide it for the rest of your life? That wouldn't be good knowing he had no idea his whole life and believed you never did anything shady towards him you weren't together at the time but if its bothering you then you obviously feel guilty about it I would let him know.
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