A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i have just been diagnosed with genital herpes ! Very shocking too as im female and have just turned 22However im in a slight dilema i am with my partner for nearly five months we never used protection he never mentioned anything about holding any stds so i am unsure if i may have caught it fromHim or given it too him! I am not the type of girl that gets around i have had 3 sexual partners in my life the first boy who i lost my virginity to (protected) my long term ex partner whomI broke up with about 5 months before i met my now current boyfriend My question is could i have carried this std on from my previous relationship and given it to my now curent boyfriend or could i have caught it from my current boyfriend? I am very nervous about bringing this up with himHe is genuinley perfect everything i want in a man and i hate the be the bearer of bad news espically with this topic can anyone give me any advice? I know i have to tell my partner it is unfair not to even if it means him breaking up with me its still a horrible thing to keep from sombodyPlease and thank u all so much in advance X
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broke up, herpes, lost my virginity, std Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everything guys :)
Had the talk with him a few hours back
( believe me i had so many butterflies i though i was going to cough one up)
I feel ten times better now! He took it really well and is unsure if he had it ! Of course he was upset buthe is unsure of if he had it or not as am i ! We decided that we would split the blame 50/50 as it could only stem arguments and blame!
I know this man didnt cheat on me ive been with a cheater before i know the signs all to well !!
I know the next few days could be a bit emoitional as he has time to process
But he completly reasured me that out relationship is fine that that this was not a deal breaker
He is such a wonderful person and i genuinley think people need to be more like him
Thank you for everything guys that was truly a few stressful days for me !!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Most recent anon (sad that we are all anon but such is the stigma), your partner having and/or giving you HSV does not mean he cheated. People can have it without symptoms, no awareness they have it, for months and years. Yet they can still pass it on. You say you don't know about herpes so now is the time to read up on it. Maybe see a doctor/ nurse specialist. At least read this:
http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/common-symptoms
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Anon #2 here. I remember the pain very well. Did you get acyclovir? I found applying aloe vera gel (stored in the fridge) very soothing.
Maybe tell him after his driving test, or alternatively tomorrow if you can see him face to face.
Look, you don't know who you got it from, it could well be him, so whatever his initial reaction is, let him have time to think about it and read about it. Excellent idea to go to the doctor together.
Get lots of rest. Maybe take Lysine supplements prevent more outbreaks or prophylactic acyclovir. But like me you might be lucky and have no more outbreaks.
Good luck, wishing you well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts type 2 ! This is my first outbreak and i swear i wouldnt wish the pain on anybody but im dealing with it very well and mature ! Your suport is so helpful u have no idea simply because i have no desire to tell my parents or friends about this ! Our relationship has been wonderful these last few months with him have been everything i wanted an we dont argue we discuss.I am nervous and have withheld sex obviously because im in pain and for his own benefit ! Thing is there is never going to be a good time to receive this type of news ! I will tell him whats happening at the moment and explain that i dont know if he had it and didnt know or if i had already had it ... Because ive been reading on the internet when u contract it it takes 2-4 weeks to see the symptoms an we have been together 4 months with no signs of symptons till now. And i will also suggest to go to a doctor together so he can ask any questions he wants .I really hope this goes ok i will be back in the city tomorrow so hopefully tuesday we can have this conversation, i will also ask him to come toy apartment so he has the freedom to leave if he feels the need to ! Small dilemma though .. He has his driving test wednesday so should i tell him tuesday before his exam (possibly stress him out) or wednesday (after he passes and ruin his good mood)You guys are wonderful honestly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Unlike HIV, chlamydia or syphilis, you CANNOT get tested for genital herpes routinely. STD clinics do not routinely do it (certainly in Europe) they will only test once you have blisters and a swab is taken. Blood tests are expensive and unreliable hence clinics will only test once you present with symptoms. So the first response trying to guilt trip you telling you you should have got tested is ignorant at best, malicious at worst. Now you have been diagnosed you should let your partners know. Finally you can still get herpes even if you have had one partner and even condom use does not fully protect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Anon below, the poster hasn't slept around, she's had 3 partners! And STD checks don't routinely include herpes unless the person has symptoms. Don't comment if you don't know what you're talking about and you're going to be judgemental! Poster, do you know if you got HSV1 or HSV2? If HSV1, you could've got it from receiving oral sex from someone who gets cold sores on their mouth. It's the same virus. Yes you can get HSV1 (cold sores) in the genital area, and it's still called genital herpes. I suspect you got it from your current partner because you only had 2 other partners, one with protection. How many partners has he had? He may have given it it you unknowingly i.e. he has it but never got an outbreak. If you have HSV2 and he's never had a cold sore, he may have to go for a blood test to see if he also has it. If he does, you'll never really know who gave it to who. If he's negative you'll have to assume you got it from either of your 2 exes. I hope he doesn't dump you over this but he will be shocked. So give him time to let it sink in. It IS possible he has herpes and doesn't have symptoms - make sure you get that fact across to him. In future relationships, be upfront about the herpes and use protection. Insist on STD testing for both of you, because there are worse things than herpes out there. You don't need any more diseases. Hopefully this might make you feel a little better: I caught HSV1 from a man who swore he never had an outbreak down there AND he never gave me oral so he must have been carrying it with no symptoms. Anyway I only ever had that 1 outbreak, and that was over 6 yrs ago. I have had 2 long term partners since, told both about the herpes before sex, and both were very accepting once they understood and had done some reading about it themselves. Both, eventually, decided not to use condoms, their choice not mine - I was on the pill - and neither of them caught herpes from me. I'm still in touch with both and neither developed symptoms later on. Good luck telling him. Google herpes and be as knowledgable about it as possible before you talk to boyfriend. Have this talk before you have sex again, then at least you know you've never knowingly exposed him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): The OP does not 'deserve it' if he gets irate. It could very well be the current boyfriend who gave her herpes.
OP you just need to sit down with him and tell him. He might have had it asymptomatically for ages. If he has not got it, you two need to be very careful when having sex, that you aren't having an outbreak, and can't pass it on. Make sure you read up on all the facts. Using condoms won't protect him but you taking suppression therapy may do.
Anyway, I hope he is understanding and realises it could equally be him passing it on, rather than rushing in to blame you. Herpes is an irritating rash, but there's no reason it should come with all the shame and stigma so often piled on it.
Hope you feel better soon.
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