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Just can't get my ex-fiancee off my mind...

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 August 2005) 6 Answers - (Newest, 17 June 2009)
A male , *coops writes:

Me and my fiancee were together for 3 years, but 5 months ago she split up with me and I still can't stop thinking about her all the time. It is driving me insane and I am at my wits' end.

I still see her around but she won't even talk to me. All my friends are her friends as well and they have all taken her side and now I have no one who can help me. I just dont know what to do anymore. It's killing me thinking about her but i just can't help it.

View related questions: fiance, my ex, split up

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A female reader, hannor Israel +, writes (17 June 2009):

well im welcoming my self to everyone my ex fiance didnt show up and he has the nerve to broke up with me and i forgive him and now its like all i wanted is just to be friends with him and now his the one who doesnt even reply to my hi's its like gee im a really that stupid that i have to give my time to a person who doesnt even appreciate what you did...all i can say is if we have to crawl just to move on i think we can....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007):

What did you do to her? A big reaction like this did not occur in a vaccum.

Check yourself, dude... maybe after three years of being engaged she needed a real commitment.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005):

YA I CAN UNDERSTAND I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING MY EX WON'T TALK TO ME EITHER AND I FEEL LIKE SHE HATES ME. AND WE JUST HAD A HURRINCANE IN FLORIDA I WENT TO HER APT WITH CANDLES AND SHE WAS IN THE DARK AND SHE DIDN'T APPRECIATE THAT SO THERE IS ONLY ONE THING I CAN DO AND THAT'S MOVE ON IF SOMEONE DOSEN'T LOVE YOU WHY PUT ALL YOUR ENERGY IN LOVING THAT PERSON WHEN THEY DON'T GIVE IT BACK IN RETURN.IT'S HARD I THINK ABOUT HER ALOT AND WE HAD SO MANY PLANS I MOVED 45 MINUTES FROM MY HOME TOWN TO LIVE WITH HER AND WHEN WE BROKE UP I AM STILL STUCK GOING TO COLLEGE 45 MINUTES AWAY IT TURNED MY WORLD UPSIDE DOWN BUT ALL I CAN DO IS PICK UP THE PIECES AND MOVE ON OR I CAN DIE.BUT I CHOSE THE FIRST AND THAT'S TO LIVE JUST THINK TO YOURSELF FCK HER I'M BETTER WITHOUT HER AND THINK OF ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT SHE DID AND IT WILL HELP TURN THAT LOVE IN TO HATE FOR HER.AND THAT WILL HELP.

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A female reader, charliesgirl +, writes (25 August 2005):

It is natural to take time in recovering from a relationship break up. Not only do you have to contend with the hurt and emotional agony of splitting from a loved one, but you also have to reconcile the fact in your mind that all of your plans, hopes and dreams have been cast aside. Plus you are faced will rebuilding your life without your loved one. So don't be too hard on yourself, it will take time to embrace the changes in your life.

As far as your ex goes, do your utmost to avoid any contact with her. Trying to stay in touch and hold onto the memories of the relationship is only prolonging your agony and hindering your recovery from this blow. If you do see her, be civil but accept that she has made this decision, and with this knowledge, it's now up to you to start getting on with own life.

As for your friends, well with friends like that who needs enemies? They are either very immature, or do not genuinely care about you if they cannot divide their loyalties between the two of you. You don't say whether you are a student, or working full time but there are always opportunities to meet new people, which I think would be of enormous benefit to you right now. Not necessarily to find another girlfriend to replace the gap in your heart, but to increase your confidence and aid you in building up your confidence and self esteem. It will also take your mind off your ex. If you are not meeting new people in your everyday life, then there are evening classes, social and community groups which will always welcome new people. Forget your judgemental friends, and cold ex fiancee and start to look forward to your life again.

If none of the above works, seek a trusted confidante or even professional help. It is perfectly natural to feel distraught, confused, betrayed and angry for a period of time especially when you have been in love for a long period. If in a few months time you are feeling no different then it's important to seek medical advice for your own peace of mind.

All the best

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A reader, pops +, writes (25 August 2005):

Get over it. If you can't seem to do that alone, get some mental health counseling. If you don't know why she left you, your counselor will help you understand. Stay away from her. If she ever regrets her decision, she will contact you. Then it will be your choice whether you want to start over again with her.

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A female reader, Anastasia Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (24 August 2005):

Anastasia agony auntI know this is hard but you really need to move on from this. Why did everyone take her side. I think parts of this story is missing a bit. If she won't even talk to you then it is pretty serious. I doubt your ex-fiance will just stop talking to you just like that unless she is crazy. From what you are describing...it seems that you really need to heal and move on from this..

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