A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for six years. We have been married for five of those years. During the first year we were together our relationship was perfect. We were intimate if not every day every other day.Since we have been married, he has not wanted me in the same way as before. I have spent the past five years begging him for intimacy. He either says he is to tired, his shoulder is bothering him, we discussed to many issues prior to going to bed, or I bring up our sex life to much and make it an issue.Because of feeling alone, three years ago I had gone out of the marriage and had an affair. Out of revenge he was with someone else. We decided to try to work things out. But even after three years of both of us being with other people the situation hasn't changed. I still feel alone and unwanted.I do not want to have another affair. But I feel like I have wasted 5 years of my life.What can I do. I do love him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Unfortunately I don't believe loving someone and them being 'right' for you and the relationship being healthy are necessarily one of the same - so you need to take that element out of the equation for the benefit of seeing it more clearly. It seems that your husband has found the 'status' of marriage a turnoff or just got too comfortable and stopped trying. In fact marriage requires additional effort not less. The fact you have communicated many many times and there has been no effort would indicate he does not want to try. I don't blame you for the affair and clearly, for whatever reason, you and he are not sexually stimulated by each other. You are absolutely right to not want another affair. This would cloud the issue and distract you from making a decision. There are better relationships out there whereby trust and physical love are present. I don't think you should waste any more time and perhaps you should try a period of separation? The space may help you both decide if you really want the relationship any more.
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