A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was never a big drinker, but since my husband and I were dating and during the past year we’ve been married we have always had alcohol around, a couple of glasses of wine in the evening and beers at the weekend. I read an article on the effects of alcohol, even in small amounts, on health and behaviour, and I decided to stop drinking completely when he was away on a long distance business trip and I was alone to see how I got on because I didn’t want to make a big issue of it. Anyway, I felt great, had no cravings and I’ve only had the occasional glass of wine since. I have told my husband I’m cutting down and he even agreed that it was a good idea, but he is still drinking quite a lot, although not as much as before. Since we’re no longer drinking all the time our relationship is not the same. Obviously we were basing a lot of our interactions around drinking and now it’s no longer there it’s as if we’re less comfortable with each other, there are more disagreements and bickering and when he still has quite a few drinks and gets tipsy like at a sports game it irritates me and I don’t think it’s “fun” anymore. He says I’m being stuck up and forcing my choices on him, and I know I shouldn’t, but I don’t find his drunkenness funny or attractive. It seems like I’ve changed but he hasn’t and our relationship is not working with this dynamic. Please, any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Just wanted to say I can sympathize with you. Over a year ago I quit drinking (hard hitter at times) since I am in my late 40's and it wasn't helping me better myself. Since then I've realized that "recreational drinking" was more of a stress/boredom coping mechanism than I thought. The further away I got from my "crutch" the more I had trouble with those in my life that still used it. It's like it's hard to relate to those drinkers because I've grown and moved on. Make sense? Give him some time and lead by patient smilng example. My husband is coming around and drinks a whole lot less. They don't want to be left behind, but it has to be their decision. BTW, proud of your choice to honor your health. Good luck.
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