A
male
age
36-40,
*nonymous4321
writes:me and my ex recently broke up on good terms. i saw online that when u stop communicating with her u cud draw her back in...i tried and its working...but now wat? i want us to start back talking regularly but i dont know how to initiate conversation. wat should i say? and wat do i do after the "no communication" thing? (no cheesy lines please lol)
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 October 2010):
Hi there. Because you broke up before, what you both really need to do now, is remember why you broke up. Don't discuss this at all - just be mindful of it, it's important. Say nothing about it or even hint at it.
Don't let that reason deter you from making a new start now. However, it is an important clue that will help you make it work out well this time.
You say she has contacted you, do you mean that she called you or texted you? It sounds like you haven't actually seen each other yet.
Whatever form of contact you have had so far, once you ask each other how things are, perhaps you could suggest you both go out for coffee somewhere - to catch up (and just say it like that). Don't say you will pick her up, just organise to meet there. Bearing in mind that you are not complete strangers, you were in a relationship before. So already the ice is broken. It's not like you have to start from scratch, is it?
From there, supposing you do go ahead and go to a cafe and have coffee, just keep it light and friendly. Just like two friends who haven't seen each other for a while (which you are now).
Don't talk about when you were together, that's not a good idea. That's history now, and you don't want to start arguing. You want to enjoy your time together. Don't go rushing to jump into bed together just yet either - that would only complicate things. Simply be friends and treat each other with respect and consideration.
You don't need to make any fancy statements, just be yourself and relax and talk about what's been happening.
Don't talk about any relationships or dates you might have had since, (and don't ask her if she's been out with anyone either), a big no-no. Don't go down that path at all. It will spoil things completely.
See how things go and if you are still the same two people you previously were. Then go from there. Remember more than anything, to keep it all cheerful and positive. Restrict the time at the coffee to having coffee and cake only, and a bit of a catch up, and that's all. When you decide it's time to leave (maybe half an hour), just say - "It's really nice to see you again. Talk to you soon." No passionate kissing, maybe a small light kiss on her cheek, nothing more. Then go your separate ways. Don't forget to smile when you go.
By saying this, you are leaving it open for her to know that you are interested in seeing her again (without any pressure). She will then feel inclined and encouraged, to suggest some activity for you both to do in the near future. She probably won't suggest it right there and then, but it will be in her mind for that to happen soon.
Keep the sex out of it until it looks like you both want to move in the direction of a relationship. Wait until it becomes a relationship before you lunge into it. But take that step slowly - don't jump into bed on the first date of you both becoming a couple. Really get re-acquainted first.
You will need to be friends first and learn to trust each other and respect each other enough to want to start making love again.
When it does eventually get to the point where you really like each other enough to become a couple again, then as early into the new relationship as possible, you will need to have some serious discussion about where you went wrong before, and how you can now do things differently, so you don't go down that path again. After all, you don't want history to repeat itself.
So a brief re-cap of what I've said previously:-
(1) Don't talk about your previous relationship.
(2) Don't try to continue on straight away from where you left off when you were together. That's bad timing.
(3) Start as friends first, build up a mutual respect and trust towards each other, and enjoy each other's company.
(4) Don't ask her about whether she's been dating and don't say anything about if you have been dating. It's history, no relevance to things now. No-one else's business anyway. It will make things very uncomfortable for both of you if you did.
(5) Keep it light and friendly.
(6) No sex until you progress to the stage where you both decide to be a couple again. And then only once you are actually a couple again - not before. Otherwise, it will spoil it all.
(7) If you go out for coffee and cake, at the end of that time together, no passionate kisses - a light kiss on the cheek will be enough. Keep the coffee meeting to just coffee and cake, don't have a 3 course meal. You want to restrict your time together to just half an hour at the most. You then won't run out of things to talk about.
(8) Also at the end of the coffee meeting, simply say - "It was really nice to see you again. Talk to you soon". Leaving it open for her to suggest some activity in the near future.
(9) Don't try to rush things along too quickly. There's plenty of time.
(10) Have fun together, laugh and be happy.
I sincerely hope this has been of some help. Take care and best wishes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Arrange to meet up for a coffee or to go shopping or something, as friends, don't bring up the relationship but if she brings it up, talk about it. Let her believe you think it was for the best, don't show any of the characteristics that led to the break up in the first place, subtly let it be known that you're changing the way you are, etc. Just act like you did in the beginning generally, thats who she fell in love with and it can happen again
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (2 October 2010):
be yourself be honest! you cannot go wrong if you are honest! but tell her, i miss what we had and not now, but i do plan to eventually get to the place we were before our fall out, i dont want to be kept int he dark or to keep you in the dark, so what do you feel? See what she says! usually this no talking thing you did pushes her into someone elses arms, she will have so much anger but the best thign to do is be careful and not make her thing you fooled around and went b ack to her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Viajante  +, writes (2 October 2010):
How about staying away? I mean, WHY on earth are you re-sarting contact with her?
...............................
|
