A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 and never had a girlfriend or date before should i just give up?
View related questions:
never had a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 August 2020):
 Maybe finding someone with a similar hobby? So you can get "lost" in that hobby together?
Not having dated in 10 years doesn't mean you NOW NEVER can date, it just means you are a little "behind" on the experience curve. Which again, isn't a bad thing. It is, IF YOU MAKE it bad or awkward. But if you accept that things just are what they are and go from there, then there is little to worry about.
It's OK to tell someone I have been so caught up in studies, hobbies, work (whatnot) that I didn't take time to date.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2020): If you're 27 and you've never had a girlfriend, then there's a good chance that this is because of a legitimate problem - a problem that's probably also interfering with other parts of your life.
Ignore the people who are trying to shame you over this. They're quick to point fingers and say "well obviously you never actually tried" - but none of them will ever say "hey, maybe you've been suffering from depression or something?". Or social anxiety. Or avoidant personality disorder. What I'm saying is, there are very real, very serious problems that this could be linked to. And the people whose only advice boils down to "stop whining and man up already" don't know or care about any of that.
I mean, half a decade ago, I was in your shoes. I was also deeply worried about the fact that I had never had a date or a girlfriend. And I was also wondering whether I should just give up.
I was also suicidally depressed back then. And avoidant. And I had huge trust issues thanks to my upbringing. As well as a few other things.
But nobody told me that my inability to get a girlfriend could be linked to some deeper issue. I had to figure that out on my own. So I actually spent several years despairing over the fact that I couldn't get a girlfriend and that I had no idea why.
And the fact that I had no idea WHY I was failing made everything so much worse. It ate away at me - and that actually made my depression even worse.
When I finally DID figure out that I was depressed, and that I had anxiety problems and avoidant behaviour, and that my inability to get a date was rooted in all of that, it was a HUGE relief for me. Knowing where the problem came from gave me so much peace of mind.
Actually solving those problems was a different thing entirely - but hey, I finally had something to work with. Can't fix a problem if you don't know what's wrong with you, right?
I didn't solve all of my problems. I'll be honest enough to admit that. But I did work on them, and I managed to improve my life significantly because of it.
Back to you now, though - the fact that you're actually saying "should I just give up?" shows that you already *feel* that there's something wrong with you. And that you have no idea how to deal with it.
And there probably is something wrong. I'm not just going by my personal experience here, either; I have known several guys who were past 25 and who never had a date or relationship - and all of them turned out to have some kind of psychological problem that hampered their social life.
There's research to back this up, too: autism spectrum disorder and schizophrenia are particularly bad in this regard. Statistics show that men with either one are significantly less likely to have children or be in a long-term relationship. But less severe problems like depression and anxiety have a noticeable impact as well.
But like I said at the start of this reply: mental problems impact much more than just your ability to get a date. So if you have unaddressed problems like, say, anxiety, then there's a good chance that this is messing up your life in a lot of ways. And that you're feeling awful quite often because of it. So in that case, fixing the anxiety problem will make you a much happier, more well-adjusted person - and that will indirectly improve your chances when it comes to dating.
It's probably not going to be easy. But don't give up just yet, though. There just might be a solution for the problems that have been holding you back. And you will continue to have feelings for women even if you give up - so you might as well continue trying now that you're still young.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): How do you accomplish anything, if you give-up? Who here would give anyone the terrible advice to quit, before they find love and companionship? You're only 27, for crying out-loud! Many may have had girlfriends, but they've all ended-up as EXES!!! So what's the difference, if you've never had one before? Oh, please...is this about being a virgin? Get over it!!!
Hello! You won't just instantly get a girlfriend when you snap your fingers! Some will reject you, and some are not interested. Some are interested for a little while; then change their minds! That's life!
There are nearly 7,800,000,000 people populating this planet. If the well is dry where you live, consider finding a new-job and/or moving to a more populated-area. Worldwide, the ratio of men to women is 101 men to 100 women. If the average everyday-girl isn't good-enough for you; then keep looking for a beauty-queen who will have you. If you're pressed for time; then you must be more practical! Or should I say, more realistic?!! Even better, be sensible!
No matter what a woman looks or shapes like, if you're shallow, lack a personality, or you're creepy; the odds rise against you, but it's still not impossible to find a match. Darth Vader made a baby, and he had to have found a woman somewhere out there in the universe! Lest Luke Skywalker is a test-tube baby; but that's not how the story goes. Now back to reality!
There's somebody for everybody; but most people are impatient, or want what's too far out of their league. They believe looks and appearance beats-out anything and everything else! They have to yield to their own vanities, lusts, ego, and sense of entitlement; before using discernment, wisdom, and fairness. Surely, some guys are not so cute, but personality goes a long-way; only too many knuckleheads have to waste half their lives before they learn that!
Reality check! There aren't enough super-models and beauty-queens for everybody! Like not every dude is a studly-hunk; so the smarter-ladies checkout what they've got for a heart and a personality. Hopefully, he has a strong work-ethic, isn't afraid of commitment, doesn't have a criminal-record, has solid-principles; and he is kind and respectful as a human-being. Leave the hunky bad-boys for the dummies who need to learn things the hard-way! Even they figure it out eventually!!! The qualities I mentioned above are the best qualifications for a boyfriend or husband you'll ever find! If you'v e got them; you'll get a girlfriend, AND eventually a wife! The timing for you, just hasn't come. Go ahead and give-up! Maybe by doing that, destiny will lead you to where you belong; and show you what is ordained for you, and what your true-purpose is. Those of faith, and who believe in worship; turn to prayer, and they find divine answers from God Himself. Nonbelievers have to depend on chance, luck, and whatever! Either case, may take time and patience.
It might take some effort; if you have a extra eye, two noses, or a hump! Even the Elephant man got himself a girlfriend! I see some pretty homely-dudes walking around holding hands with lovely women. Looking happy and content. Somebody realized he was a great-guy and wouldn't let him getaway!!! He even has a brood of cute kids, her DNA saved them!
Your age has nothing to do with much. Late-bloomers usually do better; because by the time you've found someone you're all grown-up! That's assuming arrested-development isn't the cause of your lack of luck with women! How you perceive yourself, whatever amount of effort you've put into your pursuit of finding yourself a love-connection; and the faith it can happen to you, are vital-factors in finding someone to care for, and be romantically-connected to.
Love doesn't just drop into your lap. Fearing rejection; and lacking the confidence that you can do it, is self-defeating.
You'll get a lot of answers, and this is the common topic of many people who have spent a lot of their time shying away from people; and expecting someone to just walk up to them, and want to be their boyfriend or girlfriend. This ain't the movies, it's real-life! It would be nice, but the reality is; it takes effort on your part! If you can make a friend, you can get a girl! If you can keep a faithful-friend's trust; you've got what it takes to make someone happy, and be loyal towards you! That's a major-ingredient to a relationship! Trust!
Explain what you've done in the past, and why your efforts have seemed to consistently fail?
You've come and dropped an open-end or rhetorical-question on us; but I'm afraid none of us have ever met you, have no idea what you look like, or what kind of personality you have!
Now I'll be frank, and cut to the chase. You're not a child. Do you groom yourself well? Are you generally open and friendly to people? Do you smile and greet unfamiliar-women as you pass them by? Are you a sociable-guy who accepts invitations to social-gatherings, family-events, and parties? Do you have any friends? If someone offers you a blind-date, will you accept?
Nobody here can offer you guaranteed-instructions, or hand you a "get-a-girl" manual to instantly hook yourself a girlfriend! It's trial and error, and hit or miss! Easier for some than others; but it's always a successful-pursuit for those who believe in themselves and persevere!
If you are a sweet and loving-person with a big heart; giving-up or failure is not an option! You're too young to just give-up! Being single is not a curse; and most people have met the love of their lives by mere chance or accident. If it hasn't happened, your destiny may have something in-store for you that you must do first. People often wonder why things are different for them than everyone else; but often that is because they are set aside for some special or profound purpose.
Like anything else you want in life, you have to do whatever it takes to get it.
You have to take risks! If you fail, figure-out what you did wrong, and try not to repeat it. Talk to females and get comfortable with doing it. Get away from your devices and mingle among human beings. You can't let shyness, body-shame, and being an antisocial hinder your interactions with people.
People don't usually just throw themselves at you. If you're weird and creep people out; then seek professional-counseling and a mental-evaluation to determine why? If you make pretty good money, hire a life-coach. If you make good money, I guess you'd have a girlfriend. I'm just kidding, don't frown! Stop taking yourself so seriously! Better than that, quit feeling sorry for yourself!
Almost everyone has something good about them. Everyone has the ability to draw people to them; if they extend themselves and reach-out to others. Show kindness, offer your help to strangers, be polite and relaxed around women, and ask for people to fix you up with ladies they think might like you. Don't set higher expectations than you can live-up to yourself. If all you pay attention to are super-model types, and you don't have what it takes to get that kind of woman; then humble yourself, and stop over-scrutinizing everyday round-the-way girls. That isn't "settling;" it's broadening your options, and coming down-to-earth.
You are probably sitting with your device, observing required social-distancing, and obeying health safety-precautions that are confining you to home. Now you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself; and pondering on doom and gloom! If you're over-weight and it makes you feel that works against you, take the down-time to work on good diet and exercise. If you think you're an unattractive-guy; why don't you seek an unbiased-opinion from a female acquaintance, and accept some constructive criticism. If you've been told there's nothing wrong with you, and girls just don't like you; then it's just not your time. Destiny has a purpose you must fulfill first.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): How many women have you met, got to know and then asked out?
Tens, hundreds, thousands? There are 3.5 billion+ women in the world! You’re telling me that not one of them wants a relationship with you? Stop being defeatist! You can meet a partner at any age and in any circumstance. But you’re not going to find her unless you start meeting new people.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell not for 10 years is that the problem? I kinda was into hobbies too much i guess i might of lost track of time.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (25 July 2020):
 What are you doing in order to try to find a girlfriend/partner?.
Do you socialise, get out and about, or do any internet dating?.
I think at 27 its rather defeatist to say should you give up, or any age for that matter.
If you are really desperate to meet someone the opposite sex can sense this and can be sometimes off putting.
Just relax about the whole thing and enjoy being young free and single. Get happy, enjoy life and feel good in your own skin and put the thought of i have got to meet someone in the back of your mind.
I guarantee you will be someone, might be tomorrow, or next year, or even a couple of years from now, but meet someone you will, and probably when you least expect it.
Learn to love yourself, be happy and people of the opposite sex will pick up on this positive energy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): Hi
The best thing i think you can do to help yourself is to forget about dating etc for a while.
Think about you. What makes you tick, what floats your boat in life? What gets you passionate and excited? Do you like sports? Comicon? Volunteering? Art?
Whatever your passion is in life, find some way to include it in your schedule. Join groups associated with your passion and get involved.
People are at their most attractive when they're fired up about something, enjoying themselves because they're involved in something they love. This is the way to meet people and to find a partner.
You have to be happy with yourself, before you can be attractive to others and make others happy. Work on yourself, by which I mean, find what makes you smile and get involved in that.
Your post is very short, not including any information about yourself or what you've tried so far, if anything. If you are this uncommunicative in real life and also this negative, then you are not going to attract others. People want to be around happy people, enthusiastic people, someone who's got their life the way they want it, as far as possible.
Start to work on THAT side of your life and the rest will probably follow. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 July 2020):
Is that how you want to live life?
When things aren't handed to you, you quit? You give up?
If the batterie on your car dies are you going to stop driving? Just give up?
That's kind of sad. Where is your gumption? Your sense of setting and achieving goals?
Have you EVER asked a women out on a date? Talked to one?
What do you have to offer?
What are you looking for in a partner?
What is it with this pity party?
...............................
|
