A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I am constantly conflicted and torn. I have fallen in love with my friends with benefits. I never could have seen this coming. I'm not the relationship type and it really is kind of the last thing that I want.We have been sleeping together for almost a year. We also consider ourselves very good friends. I have found myself getting jealous when she goes out with other guys and have recently been wanting to spend a lot of time with her.We go out on what would ordinarily be considered dates (dinner, drinks, etc), except that we are not dating. I hate when I don't hear from her and I think about her all the time.My problem is that I don't think she feels the same. I don't know why but I just don't think she does. I know it's usually the other way around and the woman gets attached but somehow the roles have reversed. She hasn't started dating anyone or sought anyone out since we have been sleeping together and hanging out but that doesn't mean anything necessarily.It's weird. I know that we have the best sex she's ever had (best I've had also, as we discuss it). And we have fun together, go on trips together, and go on dates together. Yet for some reason I don't think I'm good enough for her or that she wants me like that. Which I can't figure out why. I have my shit together. In a year I will be a lawyer. I pay for most things between us like dinners and lunch. I have a stable living arrangement and job. So I guess it's hard for me to understand what is wrong with me and why I am not good enough. I am not used to being rejected by a woman. I think I am a pretty good catch.Anyway what should I do? I don't like how it feels to want more from her. Yet I don't want to lose our friendship as I would miss her being a part of my life. What to do, what to do.
View related questions:
friend with benefits, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 June 2016):
 Ask her to be your GF. For all you know, she may feel the same but is faking it because she made an agreement that precludes a relationship and is sticking with the agreement despite different emotions. You have nothing to loose: even if she says No you still remain FWB with her, but at least you know where she stands on this issue and you can plan accordingly.
A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus  +, writes (3 June 2016):
 Talk about commitment with her, see how she feels about it. You already know she is attracted to you, I mean she likes you that is clear. so your choices are simple, don't tell her and keep your relationship the way it is right now the only risk is she might meet someone and stop seeing you and settles down with someone new, or tell her and it might make things awkward if she doesn't feel the same way, which might seem like a negative outcome right now as things will end between you two, but it is better for you on the long run, because the more time you spend with her the stronger your feelings are going to get and it is no good if she doesn't feel the same way and is planning to end this relationship at some point.I think there is a good chance you both have a connection , I don't think i have ever seen anyone be friends with benefits for more than 3 months, it gets boring and tedious when you don't have feelings for the person, sex with the same person just for the sake of it looses its appeal pretty soon. Nor are you the first guy to have fallen for the girl he was being casual with, it has being happening since the begining of friends with benefits. It is the nature of having regular human contact with someone, you create attachments, that is why I am thinking she might just feel the same way you do.At the end of the day to win something you must lose something, if you have the balls to ask her you might lose a sex buddy but gain a girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 June 2016):
 What would you REALLY have to lose by telling her? You PRESUME she is not as into you as you are into her (and that might BE the case) but the other two option you have is cut the contact and move on... or suck it up and waste your time not knowing.
If you WANT to move forward in your life with regards to relationships, I say be bold and talk to her.
Let's say that she DOESN'T feel the same. That she enjoys the sex and the friendship but wants nothing more from you. Doesn't mean there is something LACKING in you. She just don't see the two of you as a good RELATIONSHIP match.
And IF she doesn't feel the same, well then MAYBE it's time for you to stop having a FWB that leads nowhere. Maybe it's time for you to get back out there and date. It's the only way you will find a life partner. They are not going to line up at your front door and wait for you to stop "piddling" with a dead-end FWB.
So decide what you really want.
- A FWB that leads nowhere?
- To know for a FACT that it will lead nowhere OR somewhere?
- A REAL relationship?
And FWB is deceiving in some ways, as it can surely *feel* like a "real" relationship but there really IS no commitment and no future.
So make up your mind.
As for the rejection. Yes, rejection sucks. But think of it this way... every rejection will lead you closer to the one you are supposed to be with. There is NO shame in being rejected. Not everyone is going to want to be with you (general you) and THAT is a fact. Just like, YOU are not going to want to be with just ANYONE.
Like in ANY other aspect of your life, when you fail, get rejected, lose etc. It's not just the end of things, it's a chance to either TRY again, or change things up. That is why there are SO many saying that covers it. Like get back in the saddle and so on.
Also, IF you want want to lose her as a friend, but WANT a GF - then TALK about that too. MAYBE if she isn't interested you can tell her you are going to back off a while so you can move on, but that you HOPE the two if you can be friends later on. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. (maybe your next REAL GF isn't so keen on having a BF who still hangs out with his former FWB/F-buddy.)
...............................
|
