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female
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*lw
writes: I've been with my husband for 5 years we had alot of problems with his ex interfering when i ride with him to get his kids occasionally (once every few months or so ) and he goes every other weekend he gets real nervous and makes comments like "shes going to start trouble and wont let me see my kids" and "shes going to start calling me now" and comments like that i could see him being nervous in the beggining but 5 years later. Am i blind or is something wrong here? He's very nervous if i occasionally ride with him. I am his wife and i think he should respect me in this. I just dont understand why he won't let me ride or why he gets very nervous about me going. He never asks me to go along and if i ask, he gets very nervous but he doesnt say no but i can tell he wont say a word or he will say "oh god, she's going to start trouble now". He even made the comment last night when I rode with him.."when we start trouble she will start it to and now she will call and start trouble" I'm confused why he considers this starting trouble she supposely doesnt come out when he goes. Why would it be a problem after this long
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Your husband is reacting to this woman the way he probably reacted to her throughout the marriage, I should, just fro the sake of his relationship with his kids let him go alone to get them.
Yes, this can be argued as a point of principle, but were will that get you? It'll get you into a row with a stressed out husband and it will put the kids under unwarranted stress. If you do this, do not let this make you think she is winning, just that you are *not bothered* and totally not reacting. Whilst you both behave in a certain way she has control over the way you feel and how you react. Just remove the spark from the situation and she will ahve nothing to cause *trouble* about. Therefore you ahve denied her the *pleasure* of starting a fight.
You see, she very probably thrives on the conflict. Remove the means for causing this conflict and guess what? You win.
Have a go for a while and see how it goes. I am in no way promising it will work, but it must be worth a try surely?
Good luck.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): Your husband has an manipulative, highly emotional, confrontational ex-wife. This is her baggage and her problem...she owns it. It's obvious she feels threatened by you. Sadly, when you married him, you took on the ex-wife, as well. No, it's not fair she's controlling the situation like this but this a reality when you marry a man who has a bitter ex wife and children. This is not an issue of respect for you..he's thinking of the kids whom I am especially concerned about. They have to bear witness to this toxicity everytime, they go visit their Dad. Your husband loves his children and he's the in between guy, trying to mediate some peace and harmony, for their sakes. In my opinion, no child should go through this kind of emotional workout when there are two adversarial women, who dislike each other. A child does not gain strength of character in uncertain trying circumstances. Instead, they get confused and scared. It's time you realized this. He can't make his ex-wife improve her behaviours...neither can you. She's who she is. Stop trying to make him prove his love for you by insisting he take you in the car and into a possible volatile situation that will cause deep stress and pain for his children. Allow him to go get the kids on his own. You know you are a problem to the ex-wife. Nothing can be done about that. But for goodness sakes, allow this man to pick up his kids in a way that is not painful for them to all endure. I recommend you lovingly tell your husband..it's okay that he goes alone to get the kids. And when he brings them to visit be happy and enjoy the visits with them. Remember, you both have plenty of free time to go other places together when the kids are not there.
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female
reader, been_there +, writes (29 May 2006):
 hi there- i wouldnt go rushng down his throat like trhat maybe the problem is HER!!maybe he tells u she doesnt come out 2stop the chance of rivalry or jealousy (lets face it its natural) over something small that u might have a problem with? or maybe his ex really is a controlling arrogant control freak who has the idea that "HER" children shouldnt be around another woman- shes intimitated by u and insecure that the children may like u/become attacthed and shoe doesnt want that. i suggest u talk 2 ur husband about it!chances are he wont know its bothering u unless u let him know!!good luck!
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