A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I am 21 years old and I have been engaged to the same guy for 4 years now. We are finally starting to make wedding plans, but for about the last six months I have been absolutely miserable. I've put on a good face and told myself that everything will work out, but I just hate the thought of marrying him... I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this guy.He annoys me, he can't control his temper, and he drinks too much. The problem with breaking up with him is that we have a two year old daughter and I love his family. I don't want to go about things the wrong way and cause a rift. But I don't want to marry him either, I know I would be miserable for the rest of my life.HELP!
View related questions:
engaged, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): just don't live in regret!....your young...but hopefully not stupid
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Stop the wedding!
Take the kid and go!
Don't worry about his family; if they know what kind of man he is (drinks too much? yells a lot? Warning Signs, anyone?). They'll go over it.
If you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him, then don't go through with the wedding.
You can work something out so he can come and see your daughter every once in a while, but don't go through with the wedding!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Stop the wedding, now! Face this...and remember...an honest confrontation is the only thing that will likely to lead to an honest conclusion. It's impossible to marry and live with a person who makes you miserable. And just how is your little girl going to benefit with a unhappy, sad Mom? Everything you said in this posting has told me, that your future marriage will become a disaster. It's like you are talking about a self-fulfilling tragic prophecy. There is one very, very important factor, here. He is a man you do not clearly love. But you are on the cusp of marrying a man simply because he's the father of your child, simply because you care for his family and you don't want to cause a rift?? You sound like you are a lamb going to the sacrificial alter here. End this now and face the family, and him. Tell the truth. You have one life, make it happy, make the most positive, life you can. You and this man have a daughter..she can still visit him and his family. She will benefit from their ongoing love and support. This is not a new trend. Millions of kids do this, everyday, globally. But if you were to ask her when she grows up what she would rather have in a Mother...happy, positive Mom or a miserable, depressed Mom.....what do you think her answer would be? You tell him asap..and then you focus on your life with this child. Guarunteed, you will be a better Mother to her, being a happy one. Really think on that, hun. Not easy I know. But for her sake, you need to to be strong and honest here. Good luck, my dear and my heart is with you all the way.
...............................
A
female
reader, SensitiveAtHeart +, writes (19 June 2008):
Do you still want to be with this guy just not through marriage?? I mean I know you're only looking out for the benefit of your daughter, but you also need to be true to yourself and let him know how you feel. If you're not happy it's only going to cause more problems later on down the road.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): I just hate the thought of marrying him..... This sends out warning signals that you should not ignore.
How important is it for you to be married and give your child the security of her father's name. Would you stay with him if your not married, will being married cause your relationship to break down faster or slower. Could he change his behaviour, could he give up drinking, could he control his temper, could he change?
You need to have a serious heart to heart with him about the whole thing. Don't wait, discuss it now before you find yourself half way up the aisle before you know what your doing. Your child's welfare should be the most important thing on your mind. Will she be happy with a drunken angry father and a unhappy crying mother. Talk to him seriously about where your future is going and what he intends to do to correct his behaviour and make you like him again.
...............................
A
female
reader, coldheartedb  +, writes (19 June 2008):
Well then don't marry the guy. Break it off before you finish the arrangements and send out invitations.
...............................
|
