A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Oh dear. I hope someone can help me. I was dating a guy for awhile. It got physical and I guess I realized the magic was not there and I ended it. I mentioned the friendship thing but I guess I hurt him. We are taking a course together and I am trying to be friendly. When we make eye contact he will hold it and then look down, look flustered or upset. It is still so awkward and I am wondering how best to deal with it. I respect him and do not want to hurt him further or patronize him. I am wondering if this will be our relationship forever or if time will heal this rift.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): There's no way you could be friends straight away after been lovers....
Give him time and space and he might be able to accept you as a friend. But for the moment, don't bother trying to be friends with him as he is still pretty upset by everything and its still fresh and new.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (20 December 2007):
 It's easier to be nodding acquaintances than to be friends after being lovers. Trying to be friends afterwards just is so loaded and brings up so many issues that it not worth it. A friendship can happen afterwards on rare occasions, but don't let the fact that you initiated the break-up guilt you into forcing one. Best to make a clean break of it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 I'm afraid this is not what you want to hear. Indeed, time will heal the rift, but it will also make it bigger. You can't be friends, because that's not what he wants; and you can't be lovers, because that's not what you want. There's not a possibility of your being anything but classmates.
I can see why this situation upsets you. But there's no way out of it, other than time and each of you going in different directions.
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