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female
age
51-59,
*om
writes: I usually dress in jeans top and flat shoes when going out with my husband to the cinema or restaurants. I do my hair nice put make up on so don’t look stunning but not scruffy either.My husband usually says I look nice but there as been times when he hasn’t like last night. He didn’t say anything and today I asked him if I looked ok yesterday and he said, you looked alright. It’s nice when he says I look nice because I know he notices me and the times he hasn’t said anything I have felt a little hurt and maybe I don’t look nice or he’s thinking it’s the same items of clothing I always wear so why tell her.I do dress in skirts now and then but I feel relax better in jeans. I always wear a different top so it’s not the same one all the time. I think I don’t look to bad when we go out with what I’m wearing so I know I look ok but it is nice when he says I do. I do lack confidence and I know I shouldn’t need his reassurance but it’s nice when you get noticed. My husband usually dresses in jeans and a shirt and doesn’t ask if he looks alright or cares what I think.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2022): Aw please. I get it, you are a bit insecure and you want validation. Ok. Plus, everybody likes to be complimented , why shouldn't we ?- every now and then.
But you are a woman in your 50s ,married- since quite a while , I suppose .Let's make it 10 years but probably it's more like 20 , even 30 years . And you still want to be told "you look nice " every single frigging time that you go somewhere with your husband ?? You normally wear jeans and a top , not that there's anything wrong with that, but I wonder , if you ever wore a tailored suit , or a cocktail dress , what would you want, a drum roll, a gold medal ?...really, do you have any idea how annoying and stifling must be for your husband knowing that he *must * say those magic words, whether he feels like it or not, just to get you out of the house and keep you in a decent mood so that you don't spoil the evening ? And if you made so clear that getting the compliment is such a terrible big deal for you...then now how can you distinguish the times when he really means it from the time he says it just to keep you quiet and avoid long faces ?...sorry but I simply suggest that you 'd get over yourself and focus on the positive : you have a husband who often takes you out to places , who wants to spend his free time with you - this is not such a given, you know ?, after being married for a while. If he is not the effusive type - just let him be, if he has to tell you all that time that you are the fairest of them all, he might actually get sick and tired of going out with you !
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (12 November 2022):
 I find it interesting that you don't tell your husband he looks nice because he "doesn't ask if he looks alright or cares what I think". Yet you have a major issue that he doesn't tell you EVERY TIME that you look nice. I wonder, if he was the one writing in, whether he would say something like "I often tell my wife she looks nice but she never returns the compliment"?
The only person who can build up your self confidence is YOU. It is not your husband's job to tell you every time that you look nice (although I agree that it IS nice when someone does notice). Perhaps you could try leading by example and see if that makes a difference. I am sure he will also appreciate you noticing he has made an effort, even if he is sufficiently self confident not to need yours or anyone else's approval of how he dresses. Even something simple like "that shirt really suits you" could make all the difference.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (12 November 2022):
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2022): Do you expect him to give you complements every single day?! This is odd and unrealistic. I have been asked to do modeling and get complements from strangers often but when I dress up and look stunning my partner doesn’t give me complements every single time. Sometimes he says something nice sometimes I can read his eyes and the way he looks at me and sometimes he is not in the mood depending on the situation!
You are expecting too much. Just focus on fixing why you need reassurance and his complements!
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