A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was online friends with a married man more than 20 years my senior (I'm 22, 21 at the time). I knew from the beginning that he was married and we started off mainly as just acquaintances. However, it seemed like he fell for me over time and around February, our friendship really intensified. He told me that he was lacking a physical relationship with his wife and he'd often play out his fantasies with me online. I tried my best not to fall for him but I couldn't help it and I did.It wasn't all about sex even though it played a big part in our relationship. We considered each other best friends and we could pretty much talk about anything. We were also both artist though his skill, knowledge, and experience was miles above mine. He was also almost like my mentor in that regard and I really looked up to him.In any case, I graduated during the summer and I found myself without a goal to distract me. I slowly grew more obsessed and attached to him and I think this really scared him away from me. It also seemed like the reality of his marriage hit him and he knew that he was pretty much cheating on a wife he still loved. One day, he suddenly cut off all contact with me in October and the last time I tried to contact him through e-mail, he threatened to report my ISP for harassment. He pretty much told me to fuck off and that I was crazy and stupid.I miss our friendship more than anything and I still have no clear idea why he decided to abandon me. He really cared for me and he never expressed contempt for me before... I've been really tempted to contact him again in hopes of restoring our friendship but he's made it clear that he doesn't want to hear from me again. How can I really let go of him? It doesn't seem like anybody I meet can ever measure up to him again. Since I looked up to him, his rejection of me pretty much destroyed any artistic dreams I had and I've lost my enjoyment in art. I kind of wish he knew how much he hurt me but I'm sure he doesn't give a damn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel that it is true that what was done online felt more real than most people would expect. When one's life was as idle as mine and perhaps as empty as might have been, it's more easy to fall into that illusion. The emotions that were felt between both of us were very intense. I guess it's a sign of the times and our reliance of society on technology.
I've occupied myself with being away from home a bit and it's allowed myself to think more clearly. The more I thought about it, the more I thought that our relationship was clearly futile even if it were just a friendship. We both became too attached to each other and he admitted that I was too tempting. It was really likely that I interfered in his marriage. The end was always in the back of my mind so I guess it should have never been a big loss..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I must say, it sounds to me like it all started as what could have been just a wee bit of fun, and went way deeper than that, I mean, what's the old saying, it's only a game till someone gets hurt? Truth is, there's no way to tell what his thinking or motivation is/was, but if he's wanting to save his marriage - which he may or may not - there's really no way he can keep you as a friend, in the short run, especially if he ever *was* truly interested in you sexually, but see, I think there are alot of people who think that cyber isn't real, and are really shocked to find how much it can engage their hearts and minds, but anyway, I do think you're right, it's not going to be possible to be friends with him right now, maybe not ever, and the only way to move on is to move on - and I'm not being sarcastic, it just takes a complete reorienting of your life to focus away from him, and onto new things or people, and eventually there will be a day when you don't think about him for a few hours, and then a day, and then a week, and eventually - and this is the cool part - you reach a point where you actually *could* be friends, and it might happen, might not, but it's the only way I know. Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everybody for your response.
I don't think anything will be accomplished with telling his wife about all this even though I wish he knew how much he hurt me.
I'm reminded that he was not someone I should have looked up to and highly regarded. As Cindy wrote, he was full of flaws and I also felt that he was an irresponsible coward in this situation. If he were truly my friend, he would've helped resolved my feelings. Instead, he abandoned me, scorned me, and betrayed me when I never intentionally did anything to hurt him. I have to stop idealizing him and the memories I've had with him.
Again, thanks to everybody for your support. I'll try to keep my mind on track instead of reliving and idealizing the past. I'm thankful that at least nothing ever happened offline between him and I and that I've at least learned a bit about the harsh realities of life and love from this experience relatively unscathed as a result.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): i am sorry to tell you this but you were just a diversion to this married man. you were his 'side item" and once he tired of you, he threw you away. he was disgusted that you tried to worm your way into his life therefore he threatened to report you. it means that in black and white, he is finished with you. Love never did play any role in his affair with you.
yet another man messes a womans life and he continues with his marriage and his wife is none the wiser. have u ever considered what u will tell his wife if she found you out?
hun, no one forced you to sleep with a married man, i think u knew the score and the end was pre destined. meaning he gets his sex on the side and u pick up the pieces of your life after he devastates you.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Oh no, there are tons of people who measure up to this man, in fact there is not much to measure up to, he set the bar pretty low .
Think .
He is a married man who plays out his sexual fantasies with another woman- he is a cheater.
You fall in love with him, he gets scared ( a coward ) , does not know how to handle it ( socially and emotionally inept ) therefore rather than giving you explanations he threathens to report you ( cruel, and a bully ) and calls you crazy and stupid ( rude and disrespectful ) as if it was all your fault ( can't take responsibility : it takes two to tango ).
So, how do you get over him ? with time, and a massive reality check. You can't miss his "friendship " which was never there, because friends do not act this way. If you consider this a friend, I don't want to know your enemies !
Keep that in mind. Logic and reason are a poor cure for love pains, I know that- but they definitely help
in gradually letting go of infatuations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): That man never cared about u, he was simply filling his empty times, sorry to say but u were just a distraction to him. He threatened to report u for harrasment and asked u to fuck off! isn't that enough for u to realise that u meant nothing to him! Plz forget about that man and his fake friendship! he was a mistake in ur life, ur young and worth all the love of the world, u deserve a real man, single and young! move on an dforget that chapter .
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