A
male
age
30-35,
*libber1
writes:Hello,I've dated this girl for about a year and a half and we broke up around a month ago. Things had gotten pretty bumpy and I felt that it was time for the both of us to move on. I was away from school on coop at this time and broke up with her the weekend that she came down to visit me(broke up with her when she left). She never said anything, but I knew her well enough that I could tell that she wasn't happy with our relationship either. Thus, I felt that I was doing the right thing for the both of us. After we broke up, we still talked to each other regularly by facebook or texts as we had decided to stay "best" friends in honor of the relationship we had, because it wasn't all rough. But I've come back to school now and we've hung out a couple times and she wanted to get back together with me. Truthfully, I was fond of the idea as I had been missing her deeply. As things started to progress between us, she reveal to me that she had slept with another guy while we weren't dating. I had an extremely hard time accepting this but I mustered up the strength to get over it. Thing started to progress again. As, we got to the point where we both wanted to get back together, she reveal to me that she had lied about sleeping with another guy. In fact, she had slept with 3 others, and one multiple times. To put the cherry on top, she apparently slept with one of them the night that she got back from my place after we had broken up. On another occasion, when we we're trying to be friends when I came back to school, we had gone out to a club together with some of her friends to mend our relationship in a way. Throughout the night she disappeared and I didn't think much of it. But it turns out that she slept with the guy she had been sleeping with for a while.This resulted in sleepless consultations, tears, and heartbreak. I'm completely at a loss as what I should do, and so that's why I'm here. I know that I should just walk away from her, but I can't because I really do like her and have developed a sort of dependence on her. It's pathetic but it's the truth. Some have said that I'm being unreasonable as she slept with these guys while we weren't even dating, and maybe this is the truth. I just really need an anonymous opinion right now.This is really taking a toll on my life, any help would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, Flibber1 +, writes (18 May 2013):
Flibber1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your words. As I still have feelings for her, I have tried to talk to her about what she did. She has told me that she slept with these other guys because she was so upset, and that what we had was so special and the breakup, therefore, so hard on her that she did what she did. One part of me believes that this is completely ridiculous. Another part of me thinks that in a certain situation, this train of thought could be seen as rational. I am not sure which part is right. I do know however, that we have fun when we're together, and so we're leaning towards getting back with each other.When I think about getting back together with her though, I hesitate as I will never be able to forget what she did, even if I somehow get over the fact that she did not respect me enough as an individual to think of how I would feel when she did all this. What do you think this means for our relationship?On a side note, she has never been good at replying me. Calls and texts among other things. I've secretly always felt like I don't mean enough to her for her to reply to me first in texts, or pick up my calls, and it's bothered me since we first started dating. I've talked to her about it and she agreed to try to prioritize replying to me first if we were to get back together. But she hasn't really gotten any better, even though we're getting back into the groove of things. Am I simply being selfish?Thank you for all your help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): Call it what you want but your relationship went down the toilet when the trust went out the window. If this lady was really into you she would not need to jump or be seduced by other men. You have to take a good look at your self and see how you contributed to the failure. If you are still crazy about her tell her and ask her why she did what she did. Don't be shocked by her answer. You decide what you want to do from there. Good-luck..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): You have hit the number one deal breaker in a relationship and that is trust. It is a bitter pill to swallow. You get checked out and make sure you don't have any sexually transmitted diseases before you make any decision on her and you. If you get a clean bill of health then you decide how or why this relationship should continue. I am never one to promote revenge but here is your opportunity . You say what you feel about what she confessed. Be open honest and candid with her. Take her somewhere in the park where you can have this discussion and look her in the eyes and don't yell or scream. Talk in a steady voice and let whats on your mind out. When done tell her and ask her what she thinks and feels about her actions and if they will repeat if you two are to get together again. Tell her you got checked out for any sexually transmitted diseases and you suggest she does the same thing. As of now you are waiting for the results. I believe if she believes that you want to get together again she will get tested. But she could be stand offish about it all. But probably not. Look for verbal and non verbal signals. If nothing jumps out to alarm you then you take the lead and say what you told us all readers here. Ask her if she is willing to re commit to a new and monogamous relationship between the both of you? You already told her how you really feel. Ask her what you could do to keep the relationship cemented together. Sex counselling? Sensitivity counselling? What she be willing to help you bring you up to where she would say hey this man is a keeper and I don't need sexual encounters with other men to keep me happy and satisfied? Does she maybe need counselling together with you? Really put your heart out there if you really feel as strong as you say about her. Bust your balls for the next couple of weeks. Really work on the relationship. Leave no stone un turned in your quest. If she means that much to you put your life on hold where possible and do everything humanly possible to keep things going. Then after trying all this and she still continues her old ways you cant say you didn't try. It is then at this point you have to pack up and leave because there really nothing else you could of humanly done to keep you two together. You have my heart felt sympathies. It really is more than a love /hate kind of thing . Good-luck.
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