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male
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*areth
writes: Hi, I finished with my girlfriend of 18 months in February after feeling it had run its course. She was totally in love with me and wanted to move in together but I just didn't feel the same and felt it was the best for both of us to end it. She text and rang me for weeks after trying to get me back but I knew this was the right decision.However 5 months on I am suddenly wracked with love for her, I can't stop thinking about her and I desperately want her back. But she says she has moved on and is with someone else and I'm devastated. Why have I only got these feelings now??
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): She has moved forward with her life and it's highly likely you won't get a second chance with her. Your first mistake was dumping her and she likely was deeply hurt. She has recovered-likely after many sleepless nights-and sad, depressing days..you put her through hell and you are now "a liability" to her emotional well-being. It is very unhealthy of you to keep thinking about her and wanting her back. It's keeping you trapped in this mode of looking back and still focusing your life on her. I know it is hard to break out of, it takes time, but you need to learn to divert yourself when you do find yourself having thoughts like that. If you are having trouble moving past this..get some counselling. Some don't realize what they lost until later, after the damage has been done. My advice is to: leave her alone! Trying to see her again will open old wounds..and you will cause her pain. She's been through enough with you. Let it go. Take what has happened with her and learn from it. I sincerely wish you well and hope you are able to move past her and find true happiness!
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reader, namless_lover +, writes (26 July 2005):
Sometimes things in life aren't easy, but you have to struggle through anyways. You know the saying "Only fools fall in love" well I think it should be "Only love makes fools". We may not be happy with what we've done but we've done them nonetheless, but remember this, she's not truly gone till you give up, talk to her, be her friend on long cruel nights, show her the love that she once felt for you, but don't give up. Hope it helps!
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