A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about the past two months (we are both sophomores in college). It's been a month since he's been "fingering" me. I put that in quotations because he can barely get his finger in before I tell him that it hurts (oh god, don't even think about two fingers). I've read other questions on this site, and people say it's supposed to hurt the first time. However, it's been a while, and we've tried many times, and I always get this intense burning/stinging pain. Is this normal? By reading similar questions, I've ruled out some possibilities:1. "Not wet enough" - I'm not going to go into details, but I was definitely wet enough.2. "He's too rough" - Since he knows it gives me a lot of pain, he goes very slowly. However, sometimes I'm so sensitive down there that even his fingertip hurts.3. "It's your hymen" - He's been able to go in at most an inch. I read that the hymen is right at the opening, so this doesn't make sense to me.4. "Just be relaxed" - We've done it so many times, I'm not nervous about him fingering me at all. In fact I'm quite distracted right before he tries it. 5. "Fingernails!" - Doooon't worry, I make sure his fingernails are nice and short before he attempts anything. I do NOT want tears down there. Any other ideas? I'm really frustrated as to what it could be, or if anyone else has this problem. We both really want to enjoy this activity, but the physical pain is so problematic. Am I just supposed to endure the pain until it goes away? Instead of a finger, I feel like some giant wasp is stinging me Another weird thing - he has also fingered me anally (only one finger), and compared to the vagina, it does not hurt at all. He was able to go pretty deep with his finger with out me reacting. Is this normal?? Note - I have never had vaginal or anal sex. So yeah, recap: Why does it still hurt to insert a finger after so long, but then when I take it up the butt it's perfectly fine??
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anal sex, fingering, hymen, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 July 2010):
 You really should go see a GYN. And if he wants to pleasure you sexually he can do it by stimulation the clitoris instead of putting a finger in your vagina. Nails can be sharp and are filled with bacteria, not what you want in there. Even if they are nice and short.
Also make 100% sure he doesn't use a finger in your anus and then the same in the vagina that is just nasty.
You could have an infection, he could be hitting your uterus, or he could have cute you with his nails. So please.. go see a GYN.
A
male
reader, Lookingforwisdom  +, writes (29 July 2010):
Not sure if this is it or not but it could be a vaginal ulcer. My girlfriend had it for a few months and we literally had to stop sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. It was very hard to spot as well. Go to the gynecologist and ask him to check you out for something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): He should wash his hands in a mild, unscented soap beforehand. I don't mean get up and lose the moment; I mean that's just the kind of soap he should be using, and using often just to prevent the spread of bacteria.
Do you have any irregular discharge or unusual odors coming from your vagina? The odor doesn't even have to be THAT bad, honestly, for there to be an infection. For example, even a minor yeast infection can cause rawness and pain upon insertion of even a finger. Bacterial vaginosis can cause pain with insertion as well, and is sometimes much more difficult to detect.
It could be your hymen; if he can only get an inch in, and his fingers get wider toward his hands, your hymen might be stretching more and more, which causes the pain. It can be a sharp pain, since it is, in effect, tearing skin. Some women have problems with nerve endings in their vaginas being too sensitive, thus feeling pain during sexual contact. It's an unfortunate issue, but there are ways to treat it.
Instead of fingering inside you, he might try touching your cliterus for a different kind of manual stimulation. Perhaps an orgasm achieved that way will help with ease the sensation of pain you have with other methods.
You might go see an OB/GYN for a definite diagnosis of a further problem, especially if you two are taking such careful consideration with the list of items you provided to us here. Thanks for really doing some research and making your question clear! Best of luck to you!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 July 2010):
 The only other thing I could think of is that you're reacting to something on his hands. Maybe the soap he uses causes a negative reaction.
Way to do some research before asking your question too!
Does it make a difference what finger he uses?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 That part of your body is very sensitive anyway..tissue is easily torn and/or irritated. Use gobs of sterile lubricant (like KY) and space your "activities" to allow healing to take place. Be kind to your body especially down there.
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