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It seems he doesn't want me in his life anymore, what do I do?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2014)
A female United States age 36-40, *ila84 writes:

We met 6 years ago in college and since then he have been talking on the phone and he said he used to care about me and all that but would always ask for sexy pictures. At first I refused in doing so and then I gave in. So then, he came to town to visit his Dad and suffered a horrible car accident in which he almost became paraplegic.

The night of the accident he called me several times from the hospital and I could only visit him next day. During my visit after 6 years without seeing him, he was very excited and kept calling his father and his mother telling them I was there with him. He even took a picture of us together.

I visited him a few days in the hospital prior and after him having surgery. It was nice...he seemed to care about me and would hold my hands and ask me to sit at the end of his bed. We even got to fool around a little bit at night after visitors hours. We never had sec while in the hospital though.

So a day before he got released I traveled to Orlando with some fiends and left my phone inside the car while we went to Halloween horror night. He kept calling me and asking me why I didn't pick up the phone. I just answered him next day, and he finally invited me to meet his dad. He's actually staying at his dad's house and kept calling me on my way there asking me what I wanted to eat bcs his Dad was ordering food for us. I got there, met with his Dad but I was late for dinner and wasn't able o eat with them. So we had a good time until he asked me to wash some cups him and his sister and her boyfriend had left around the house. I gave him a little bit of an attitude by telling him I wasn't his maid and he told me if I didn't help him with that I was supposed to leave the house. I then started to put my shoes back on and he asked if I was really leaving.

I said yes I'm leaving because you told me to leave.

I left the house kind of pissed and said goodbye and didn't even look in his face. I heard when I was outside him checking again if I had really left. He didn't call me next day. I called him early in the morning and he screamed at me telling me to Fuck off and telling me to never call him again. I kept calling him and he said he was gonna get a restraining order against me and that all he wanted was nude pictures and sex, and that he never had feelings for me and never wanted to be serious with me. He hung up only face and told me to never call him again.

So upset, I really liked this guy. Was he being serious about all those things he said or was he just mad at me?!?!

I feel so bad right now. All I want to do is cry. I really miss him. He blocked my phone and now I don't think I will see him again.

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A female reader, TJ14 India +, writes (29 October 2014):

hi he isnt worth it. ur so sweet to go meet him and his parents. dont be upset time heals everything. be patient. it will be fine. that feeling u have now of sorrow will become anger and then u wont even bother about him. he is to put it kindly creepy. u will miss him cz u were being genuine about ur feelings and its natural. just give it some time. spend more time with others and it will keep ur mind busy

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 October 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntI agree with Honeypie

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014):

Even before I finished reading your post, I could tell something is "off" about this guy. I found it weird the way you describe his persistence when calling you. He should call you ONCE, leave a voicemail and let you return his call when YOU CAN. And have ZERO issue about it. The fact that he continuously calls you, even dares ask why you didn't pick up the phone is TOO MUCH. He is asserting way too much authority over you. It just shows he has no consideration for, respect for, and doesn't care that you are an independent individual who can come and go as you please. Your duty is not to be at his beck and call. Stop being subservient and stop making excuses for him.

When I finished reading your post, it's confirmed, this guy has severe emotional problems. And I believe his emotional problems are more severe than you can wrap your mind around. He has NO self control, whatsoever. He is giving clear indication of a SUPER abusive personality. Controlling behaviour: calling you over and over and over; telling you what to do, "pick up those dishes!" Threatening you, "If you don't do this I will kick you out." Emotional outbursts: Gets pissed off easily, you feel like you are walking on eggshells can't even stick up for yourself like a normal person, e.g. when you told him you are not his maid. BIG DEAL! Do you find his reaction a bit over the top?! Verbally/emotionally abusive: Degrading you by telling you he just wanted sex from you. Degrading you by threatening a restraining order. Blocking you. To show how worthless and insignificant you are.

I mean, girl...RUN. I GUARANTEE you there is a 99.9% chance this kid will end up as a feature suspect on Dateline someday. Bright future, huh?

Run. Run. Run.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntHe sounds like he got seriously damaged in that car accident. And I mean psychologically and physically.

He is using such an insane push pull method that I would have walked a long time ago. The thing is, HE has blocked YOU. Which means you don't HAVE a choice. LET him go.

He has some issues I think you have no idea about. Because his OVER-reactions shows that he doesn't quite react like a "normal" person would (unless you are leaving out a lot of stuff from your end).

Let HIM go. If you are looking for a partner find one with a LOT less baggage.

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