A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago after almost 7 years. We had our share of problems, mostly relating to her insecurity and practical things like where to live, work etc. She constantly needed to feel "accepted" and although I tried to help her to feel "like a good person", I couldn't do much and she began to resent me for "patronizing" her. Eventually I came to resent her for not accepting my efforts (on her asking) and to open up and trust me so that we could work things out together.Since we broke up she's gone through a remarkable transformation. All the problems she had when we met and when we were together, she seems to have realized and is working to fix. With this change I'm happy for her but also angry it's taken me breaking up with her for her to feel confident enough to work on things. I really like this girl on all levels, intellectually, practically, especially sexually so now I regret breaking up with her and losing out on . Should I try to get back together with her or will this just put her back into a dependent type of state? Or am I missing something bigger here for myself?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): I would be careful about believing her change. is it something she's showing with actions? or just telling you? i've recently gone through a traumatic time that forced me to change, and the change has not come overnight so is it possible? definitely. i would just be careful not to jump right back into things. try seeing each other as friends. if you've been seeing each other even though you're broken up, you hsould try not seeing each other for a month and see if you feel the same way. honestly, it took a real break from my bf to see that i was doing things/saying things just to hold us together so just make sure you've had that.
A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 You may have been the reason she couldn't move on. Be happy for her that she's getting fixed. Which I seriously doubt, by the way. It takes a dramatic change (ie.death, birth, religion) for people to change. It sounds like you weren't happy with the way she was, and wanted to change her. If you could have controlled her, and changed her, everything would have been fine ...right? Wrong, because you can't control or expect to change other people. It doesn't work that way, you can only control what you do. I think you did the right thing by getting out of the relationship, for both of you. Move on, never go back. The old baggage will just rear it's ugly head again, and you will be feeling more angry and depressed with yourself than you are feeling right now.
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