A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible where 2 people who went into a relationship perfectly normal and fine, who then 3 years later both manage to get depressed get back together?Sorry let me explain that better. I met a guy online 3 years ago, we fell in love. I didnt meet him until December and we get along great, like absolutely amazing and I get along with all his friends and family. I spent 3 weeks with him 24/7 and it simply wasnt enough.Once I left we were ok, kinda sad but ok and then suddenly both of us began to get depressed. About everything. About our lives, about what were doing, about the fact we live so far away, just anything and everything....he was worse than me though and one day he came online and ended it, said he didnt want love anymore because its to stressful.Almost a month has gone by and I know he is going to be recieving councelling at some point and Ive already had 2 sessions and feel so much better and even see things in a different light which I know will benefit him. I still love him. I want him back. But I talked to him a few days ago and he is still the same, he has no feelings for me at all but I do know that he is happier because theres things about him that have changed and the main being the fact I couldnt help but ask him if he had masturbated...long story into how he ended up answering (not happy on his end) cut short he has been to porn...and when he dumped me and before that he couldnt even get hard anymore.Do you think theres a possibility we can get back together at some point? Or do you think I was the problem in the first place, because I cant help but think ever since he dumped me he seems to be getting better, but that could be me making assumptions since Im not fully better or at the same time maybe im not making assumptions, maybe Im right.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): -Almost a month has gone by and I know he is going to be recieving councelling at some point and Ive already had 2 sessions and feel so much better and even see things in a different light which I know will benefit him-
Hey, I think you are glossing over his depression and putting the two of you in the same boat. Getting him back is what will ail your angst apparently but for him it doesn't make sense to be with someone he doesn't have feelings for anymore.
Since your relationship was entirely online for years and you just finally met a few months ago, the problem may very well be that he didn't click with you in person. He may be using stress as a way to get out of your LDR. LDRs are very difficult and rarely pan out and it's more common than not that the chemistry online doesn't materialize off screen. I think it's time to let go and move on.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (24 April 2011):
Don't consider him getting better to mean it was your fault he wasn't okay in the first place. Sure, the stress of a long-distance relationship may have contributed for it, but that's neither of your faults. Some people just have a hard time handling it. It certainly is a lot of stress.Will you get back together? I don't think that should be an important question: as you said, you talked to him and he said he doesn't have feelings. I know you really cared for him, but it looks as though he is moving on and as painful as it may be, you need to move on and focus on your own life.That doesn't mean things will be easy. I know how heart ache feels. But time and space make a lot of things better. Focus on your friends, school, hobbies, etc. Continue going to therapy and get better mentally. You really need to make sure you are happy and healthy before you can even consider another relationship, let alone thinking about continuing this one. Give it some space and focus on you!
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