A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My long-distance boyfriend and I broke up last friday, a week ago today. We both want to remain friends, but obviously it will take time. I decided what's best for me is no contact for awhile. At least until I'm a bit stronger, and can handle talking to him without crying everytime.I've been doing okay, the only thing is..I have him on facebook. And he's added loads of new girls, and talks to them constantly, and blah blah. He seems like he's doing completely fine, while I'm struggling. That's the only part thats hurting me, I just think of him moving on. But I'm the one who really wanted the break-up..he wasn't a nice person, and I was finally done with it. But I can't help missing him, we were together for a year.Will this get easier? Should I keep not contacting him until I feel completely ready..even if that takes months and hes gone by then? Any tips on how not to think of him? I've tried avoiding the computer, obviously, since that's where I spent all my time talking to him. Please..any advice on what to do would really help. Tha
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male
reader, ding48  +, writes (30 April 2010):
boys is known to be playboy, maybe you dont know he got some affair when you're being together. my advice move on dont waste your time in a asshole guy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): Focus on the fact that he was not a nice person, that that is why you dumped him, and move on.
I was in a long-distance relationship for four years. He was very sweet and nice. But he was too needy, to the point of being a stalker, controlling, and possessive. I broke it off. Later we kept in touch and got back together, still over long-distance. It did not work out the second time because it was not before long that I remembered the reasons I dumped him. And he hadn't changed, so those reasons still applied. I promptly re-dumped him.
It's been two years, and my ex is definitely not so needy anymore. We still keep in touch. And I feel comfortable enough to talk to him without being tempted to take him back, because I will never forget the lesson I learned when I got back with him for the second time: Men don't change. That is the rule, with hardly any exceptions. Men only become more like themselves when they become comfortable with you. You either have to accept them as-is, or move on. But never try to change a man.
Learn from my story that if you're still attached to him and tempted to take him back, don't contact him. If you do, and get back together with him as a result, he probably won't have changed. And you'll have wasted another month, year, etc. with a boyfriend who was mean the second time and still hasn't changed.
There are too many men out there that are great and won't disrespect you. Try them out. And if your boyfriend is an exception to the rule, and he does change, you're young - you've got plenty of time to try out other guys and rediscover him possibly later on when he's finally got his act together. By then however, you're likely to have found someone else. I know I did. My ex is not as needy as he once was, but his come-to-Jesus came too late - my new boyfriend is waaaaaayyy better! And I just know, had I gotten back with my ex, or never left him, I would have missed the chance of a lifetime to meet new people and find a guy who is extraordinary and makes me feel the same.
Best of luck! :)
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