A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Is this guy a player? (sorry for the long post but I believe the background is necessary.)Going back 2 years ... met this guy while walking my dog. We bump into each other a number of times at the same location and each time we end up walking and talking for a couple of hours. Finally after 2 months I ask him out and he tells me he's in a relationship. (living with someone for 8 years) When I question why he didn't mention this relationship he says "it didn't come up in conversation."I'm willing to leave things the way they are but after awhile he asks if I want to run with him. I say yes because I don't want to hurt his feelings and frankly I really like this guy. So now we're arranging times to meet. Over the next couple of years we progress to seeing each other every day and sometimes more. Also texting and e-mailing everyday. Still nothing physical because he's still in the relationship (please don't lecture me on my stupidity in this regard ... I've done that enough myself. I truly loved this guy and didn't have the strength to walk away.)Eventually his relationship ends and I think we're good to go to the next level. After a couple of months of him being single and us spending even more time together (dinner at his place, out for beer, etc) I ask where he's at. To my surprise he claims he's surprised that I wanted more as he thought we were just friends. Within a week of me asking him about "us" he's got a new single feemale "friend" whom he's texting and e-mailing and meeting up to walk their dogs. (forgot to mention that in conversation once about one of my friends he told me to tell her to keep a guy on the back burner in case her current relationship didn't work out.)Even though there was never anything physical, I sure interpreted his actions as meaning he felt something more for me. He was always the one to initiate the increased time together. Also, very early on I sent him an e-mail telling him how much I liked hanging out with him and how much I looked forward to seeing him. His response was to tell me I could send him e-mails anytime.I eventually told him I couldn't be just friends with him as it was too confusing for me. Even then he doesn't tell me he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he tells me he "Doesn't know" if he can be in a relationship with me. He needs to deal with the end of his other relationship first.I feel like I've been taken for a sucker by a guy who has learned to fake sincerity. Anyone else had to deal with someone like this? how'd you get over the anger? (more with myself for being so stupid)
View related questions:
player, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jinjerblue  +, writes (18 July 2008):
My heart goes out to you! I looked at your post to help me deal with a situation which I recently posted. Just keep reminding yourself trust is EARNED not just GIVEN. Also, like my situation, if you feel in your gut that it's a red flag and the lines of what is going on are blurred, you are probably right so go with your gut instinct. Basically, it's just up to you to be brave and not talk yourself out of what you know to be the truth. It's better to hurt a little now rather than hurt a lot after you've invested feelings and time, and then in the end, you knew you were right from the very beginning. Next time, trust that instinct : ).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKey2URHeart32 ... Thanks for your honest and straightforward answer. I rationalized the no physical contact because he was in a relationship. I'd been on the other side where my ex was friends with someone who he's now living with. I know they were not physical until our relationship ended.
I have ended our so-called friendship but it still hurts to be replaced so quickly even though I know I shouldn't be surprised. I am really starting to believe he used me to boost his ego over all that time.
As to "the next guy" Hmmm not anytime soon.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hi
just put it down to experience, you did not have the strength to walk away? but you sure as hell had staying power girl, look on the bright side, next time put all that time and energy into somebody who is available and who wants you.
...............................
A
female
reader, KEY2URHEART32 +, writes (13 July 2008):
Dear friend...I am going to try to be as gentle with my response as possible...because I already know that you are kicking yourself in the ass...This guy played you...but then you allowed him to...why...when you accepted the fact that he was already in a relationship with another woman that he had been with for eight years...you were a convience to him...but what troubles me is that you say that you and him were never "physical"...for two years this man has never touched you in any intimate way...why? Even if a man has a main woman in his life and a chick on the side...he's hitting both of them off...I hope this is not a situation where you are suffering from low self-esteem and feelings of being unattractive that you allowed this man to use you...were you giving him money...was he taking you out places...or was it that he would just run up in your house every chance that you gave him? Moving forward...he and his eight year relationship or ten year relationship by this time has ended...you are expecting that he would want to take the platonic relationship you and he has to the next level...that's not going to happen...why...because your role is the side chick that allows him to have other relationships or your the side chick with monetary benefits and he does have to give you intimacy in return...Him telling you that he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship with you is BS...you have spent two years with this man...he has had enough time to establish whether you are girlfriend material or not...so don't fall for that crap either. You want to know how to get over the anger...forgive him...but more importantly forgive yourself...and start loving yourself more...let this be a valuable lesson for you...you have to learn from this mistake otherwise you will repeat it with someone else who will play you...don't settle for second best...if a man is unwilling to but you first or make you his woman...keep it moving...there is someone who will love you inspite of or just because of who you are...If I was you I would cut the friendship off because this is just going to make it much harder for you to get over...and try dating more than one person at a time or establish more male friendships...those that you have no physical attraction towards...Best of Luck.
...............................
|
