A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think my hub is slowly gaining all control over me and getting me into an abusive relationship.. it all started amazing, he was nice in every way. Then he got more angry more easily. He gets mean out of nowhere but is really nice after that but doesn't apologize, just says he didn't mean the things he said. We drink most weekends. It started off with arguments drunk, then he'd say more and more bad things, then then he's punch the wall in, then he ripped the wind shield wipers off the car, then he kinda pushes me a little bit and last night was holding my head while accusing me of hiding a boyufriend in the house.. i dont know what to do.. is this going somehwere bad?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Stop drinking both of you.. then get him to see a counsellor who deals with anger and PTS... the military can fix this up, or otherwise get him to see his local doctor.
You cannot fix him, you cannot change him, he has to want to change himself.. He has to realise his treatment of you is wrong, and that means apologising when he hurts you.. At the moment I see no evidence that he's unhappy abusing you.. so this abuse will continue and get worse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell.. like I said, it was before you started answering me that I entered the question in.
But I am hoping anyway for someone to help me fix it because I don't want to run away from it. He is losing himself. He needs help.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
You'll only get the same answers... no aunt here on this board will tell you to stay with this abusive man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh by the way,
I posted this question again seperately before you ressponded, because I realized that the lady who wa helping, hasn't been on answering questions since April. SO please don't be offended if you see it again on the site.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo.. it's not... it cant be a pattern.. he just has problems. He just spent a year+ killing people and getting blown up and shot at..
i'm sure it's not a plan...
He lloves me.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
You can't even see the pattern..
1. Treat woman badly
2. Treat woman nice
3. Treat woman badly
4. Treat woman nice
Except every time he hurts you, he will hurt you worse and worse.... Please look up domestic violence on the internet, because that is what you are suffering...
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
Forced blowjobs are not normal, neither is a man pinning you down and saying you don't have the right to push him away, whilst telling you nasty words to your face.
This is abuse, and it usually gets worse.. You stay, it gives him the green light to do whatever he wants.
The only way you can stay with this guy is if he gets help with his drinking, and admits he's abusing you and gets help to deal with his destructive behaviour...
Don't say we didn't warn you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to leave him.. I want to fix it. He's a good guy underneath. Just needs a little polish.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
Your guy is abusing you.. I suggest you leave him, things are going to get a whole lot worse, soon he will start hitting you and raping you, he's already forcing you to have blowjobs and accusing you of adultery..
LEAVE HIM!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell.. it kinda got a little worse. Just a little. He started name calling and putting me down a whole lot when he's angry, but I know he's just angry. He has PTSD. And He like.. has pinned me down and when I try to push him away he got in my face and yelled " are you seriously trying to push me away" and then he grabbed my face a whole lot between his thumb and other four fingers. And he kinda picked me up so that he could get his anger out by throwing me back on the bed... and kept telling me bad things about myself.. and then he forced his penis down my throat for a while.. he started and stopped about 6 or 7 times, but I know he was drunk and was trying to get me used to it. (i had a couple bad experiences with bjs) and he went about it the wrong way.
But then last night he told me a few big lies he told me and everything has been better since.
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (10 April 2010):
 Oh dear?! Maybe I wasnt clear enough you only need for ANY ONE of these signs to happen. That's all it will take if he has shown more than one, I would be carefull around him. Also men and women have different roles in a relationship. You might want to look into the aspects of a healthy relationship before asuming that you have one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. That's what I want is to just have a fair warning if that's what this is going to. I don't want to ever leave him.
He demonstrates a lot of those but also a lot of them he doesn't. He does less than half. So that's good.
Thanks for answering!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Another sign that he is going to hit you are his male friends or even guys that you have introduced him to that he is most social around. "Birds of a feather flock together" What you might not notice is people with the same problems tend to stick together, even you. Maybe some of your closest girlfriends have bad realationships and you are just joining your circle of friends. So maybe his closest guy friends are all woman beaters, just something you might want to be aware of.
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (10 April 2010):
Its doesnt sound like it's going anywhere "GOOD" I've reposted all the signs of what to look for in a relationship that will turn violent. A guy that really loves you will not cause you physical/mental harm in any way, infact he will prevent it because he loves you and doesnt want anything bad to happen to you.
Does he do any of this?
constantly keep track of your time?
-act jealous and possessive?
-accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
-discourage your relationships with friends and family?
-prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with -friends or attending school?
-constantly criticize or belittle you?
-control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)
-humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)
-destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
-have affairs?
-threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?
-push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?
-force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?
If he continues to have this behavior twards you, you will need to get him into treatment/counciling to prevent the inevitable abuse. Even if you decide to leave him it wont stop him from abusing the next girl. There is only one way to solve his temper and that for him to realise he needs help.
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