A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:Hey all,I broke up with my ex 2 months ago, it was a bit of a bad breakup, she was so on/off with me it was tearing my heart to shreds. We were speaking on the phone after she was being a little off all day. She told me she was just using me to get through a rough patch, that now she wants just to forget me and leave, I think she may also have cheated a few days before but I cant be sure. This was'nt the first time she wanted to break up, it happned over the summer too, only for us to get back together with her promise and realization that she is in love with me. I spent all summer rebuilding my heart and emotional well being only for her shatter it all over again, so I hung up the phone upset and hav'nt spoken since.So over the past few weeks I've been going through hell again trying to set her loose from my heart, I dont have the pang of heartche I used to get when I think about her, so the signs are good I suppose. She will be attending our graduation in 6 weeks, i'm scared once the night wears on and the drinks flow my feelings will come back and I will have to get over her all over again. I also recently got in touch with an ex, I found her on a social site through a friend. We dated for a month or so 3 years ago. We both got on really well but with her university course completed she flew back home and we both knew it would'nt work, we left waving goodbye both crying. So having recently got in touch after - its only been a single email back and forth so far, she was glad to hear from me. I am keen to meet her in person, and if truth be told see if there is any spark left. I worried about coming on too strong, I would love to ring her but having not spoken in years i dont want to scare her off or make it akward. Is this a rebound perhaps? I know i'm quite a sensative guy and I have a lot of romance and passion to give to the right girl, I feel really alone recently, perhaps its the time of year. I'm starting to think there is no one out there for me, yes I know its cliche but thats how I feel. Any opinions/advice would be welcome. Thanks all and merry x-mas X
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I think that the reason you have stopped getting your heartache pang is because you have recently started talking to this new girl. And the best way to get over an old flame is to develop feelings for a new one, which in a way is what you have done. The truth is that if you had really loved that other girl, you wouldn't be able to even consider this new one. So the fact that you have even considered her shows that your "love" for the other girl wasn't as strong as you thought. In fact, by what you are saying about how you feel lonely and all that, it just sounds like maybe your infatuation with the other girl was more based on loneliness than on true feelings of love.When you truly love someone, you could have a line up of 30 girls who all want you and none of them would come close to the one you love. So think about this. Is that how you feel about the first girl?? Is she like genuinely your dream girl?? The girl who you have always wanted and dreamed of?? Cause if she is not, which is what I think, then just acknowledge that your feelings for her are not real genuine and have more to do with how you feel about yourself than how you feel about her. And if your feelings for her are not even at the fullest potential that they could be, then why sweat her any longer?? So the best way to get over her is to realise that your so-called infatuation is more about loneliness than it is about her being the one. So I think you should go ahead and pursue the other girl. And when you see your ex at graduation, just remind yourself about the line-up that I just talked about. If you could have any girl in the world, would she be the one you choose?? And if the answer is NO, (or even if you hesitate for a moment) then forget her, why sweat her any longer?? And just have fun at graduation. Cause one day, you will meet someone who will make you feel that way.
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