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Is there any hope for a freak like me?

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Question - (8 November 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, *onelyamericangirl writes:

This is really rather embarrassing to admit but reading through some of the questions on this site, I find myself curious for the answer. So here goes. Takes deep breath, Im 32 and have never been in love or a romantic relationship. So what am I doing wrong?

I guess it never really bothered me until a couple years ago, Im a very independant person, stubbornly so and I had alot of issues growing up dealing with family problems that did not really allow me the time to enter the dating scene. I feel since I had to spend so much time helping out my mother and grandfather who had cancer I was never given the chance to learn the dating skills I needed to have. Plus I was a late bloomer.

I was a tom boy in high school and college, and I was heavier than I am now. Like I said, I honestly had no interest in boys, mostly because I did not know what to do. I grew up in a family of strong women. No father figure to relate myself to the male perspective, because my father left us to fend for ourselves, when I was 16.

For a long time I actually made fun of marriage or committment and the unpleasantries that came with it. But now my friends are growing up, getting married, having children of their own, and I find myself often feeling very lonely. For the first time I think Im longing for that kind of love, even if I cant admit it to them.

Im not an especially outgoing person. Id rather see a movie with a friend, I mean Ill go on my own if I have to, but casual socializing sometimes makes me uncomfortable because its so boring and awkward. I like passionate subjects such as art and theater, or controversy over religion and politics, or good books or movies, but I dont open up easily.

I dont think Im ugly although on some days I definately question that. So I guess Id just like to know if anyone has good advice for someone like me who would someday like to meet someone special. Im not talking marriage or kids or anything, but just find the same happiness that my friends have. I dont want to be alone forever but I fear I may if I continue to sleepwalk through my social life. So Dear cupid, is there any hope for a freak like me?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

You're not anymore a freak than the rest of us. I think that if you want to meet someone, you need to try outlets that will match you with someone more like yourself! That's all! Try internet match and dating sites. I'm sure there is somebody out there who is similar to you and would love to meet you.

When that happens, just spill the beans. Tell him who you are and be honest. You can never go wrong with being honest. If you're kind and looking to change your life in this way, then any decent guy in a similar spot as yours will be willing to take the next step.

Good luck buddy, you're not a freak.

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (9 November 2010):

C. Grant agony auntOh my, dear, please don't use the word 'freak.' That's just not on.

It's quite true that it's easier to meet someone when you're amongst many peers -- in high school, in university -- when you're with a group of people your own age and with similar pursuits. But that doesn't mean that you're doomed for the rest of your life; at least as long as you're not hiding in your basement. You have interests -- you mentioned art and theatre -- as long as you're out there enjoying them, you have a shot at meeting someone. In fact, being out there doing what you're interested in makes things easier -- there's less chaff to winnow, since anyone you meet there is already on your wavelength to an extent.

Hang in there -- as long as you're out there, there's a good chance that a suitable someone is going to bump into you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

You're not a freak. Most of your story parallels mine, and I'm almost 30, plus a virgin to boot (though I am waiting for marriage). Most of the time I don't know what I'm doing wrong, either, though I do know I could get out more... I know there is someone out there for me, so I just keep on looking, and try to better myself and my life in the meantime.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

My brother is 49. As a child, he suffered from severe asthma. He received poor treated from the doctors and ended up consuming too much medication. As a result, he was bald by the age of eight and missed a lot of school throughout his childhood. Since graduating he's always lived on his own and has never been in a romantic relationship. We thought he'd be alone for life. A year back this week, fate threw him together with a girl who was at school with me. By now they're married and looking for a house together. He's never been happier.

So yes, there's hope for you.

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