A
female
age
18-21,
chocolate-strawberries
writes:I've been going out with my bf for three months now. I live about 60 miles away, up til now we have been able to see each other at least once a week but now he's got a lot of recreational activity events on at the weekend which he travels for and has now started a new job on a saturday night. He said he'd come up to see me when he can, up til now ive driven down to see him a lot but cant afford to do this every weekend.We have a lot of fun together, we get on really well and i care for him a lot and I know he does too. When we are away from each other hes really busy so i feel im not getting the attention i feel that a girl should. He sometimes forgets to call me, text me back etc which sometimes makes me feel uneasy at times. He says he misses me but he never shows it until we are together, which could be weeks. I feel like a yo-yo and its beginning to affect my uni work as im so preoccupied. Do you think all this is worth it? As much as I like him I cant help thinking its a lot of upset for not very much but I'll miss him and be upset if I finish it.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 I was in one of these and I can understand what you are feeling. When you are apart for long stretches of time, it is very important that you text and talk on the phone more frequently and if this is not happening, tell him that you need that. In mine, we would always set "phone dates" when we were apart. Sometimes it would be a month before we could see each other so we would schedule 3-4 days a week ahead of time where we would have a date to "talk". He should be willing to do this and if he isn't, I would question (just like any other relationship), why he isn't wanting to put forth the effort. Do this before you make any decision to leave him.
Also, knowing each other in person before having a long distance relationship is better than the other way around. It can work, but you have to have those little dates while you are apart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Long distance relationships can be a godsend - no living in each other's pockets and becoming entrenched in the habit of seeing each other all the time at the expense of everything else in your life. And the time you spend together is so much more precious than the time you'd spend together as a couple if you lived near to one another. But they do come armed with their own specific set of problems. As you get more involved the time you spend apart becomes more and more difficult. As you only see each other at weekends much of your conversing is done via text phone and email, all of which can be problematic, especially texting and emailing which can so easily be misinterpreted. Also at some point, if the relationship becomes serious, decisions have to be made about moving closer together.
However, in many other ways a long distant relationship is just like any other relationship. You don't know when you first meet somebody where it will lead and there's no extra need to know whether it's going to be a long-term relationship when compared with a more conventional one. I would stay with it, if you like each other that's a wonderful thing to find. Use the time and space when you don't see him to concentrate on your studies and make the most of when you do see him.
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