A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, 23 soon to be 24 in about 3 weeks, lady wondering why on this moss and water covered rock why no males my age seem interested in me.From looking online, to putting myself on dating sites and just existing sometimes offline, no one seems to be interested in me. Don't know what's wrong or what's being done wrong, but its a huge blow to my severely humbled ego. The last...relationship had was when I was 18, and even then it lasted a good two to four weeks.No relationship has ever reached a year for me, and its honestly depressing, so just wondering what's wrong with me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (22 May 2021):
 Without knowing anything about you apart from what you have shared in your short post, there is no way any of us can realistically advise you on relationships, including finding one.
The only thing I would say is that you need to stop this insane belief that you are somehow inferior if you are not one half of a couple. You are complete in yourself and do not need to be in a relationship of any sort to live your life to the full and to be a worthwhile human being.
Having a lot more years on the clock than you, I have been in several relationships in my lifetime and also had a few periods where I have been single. I used these latter times to work on my mental and physical wellbeing, to spoil myself doing things I enjoyed, to a point where I was quite fussy who I let into my life because, in my view, they had to add considerable value to my already pleasant life, otherwise I was happier staying as I was.
You are young. You have the rest of your life ahead of you to find a relationship and to settle down. In the meantime, stop "treading water". Get out and enjoy your life. Spend quality time with friends. Find a hobby about which you are passionate. Focus on living, rather than on finding a relationship. When you are least expecting it, you will meet someone who is right for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2021): You need to meet new people, in person not just online. Get some new hobbies that involve meeting people your age. Volunteer. Even get a new job so you have new connections. Ask your friends if they can set you on a blind date. Go out there with the aim of expanding your network of friends and hopefully one of them will develop into a relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (18 May 2021):
 Apart from stating the obvious, as WiseOwlE pointed out we have been in a pandemic for the past year now, so from a dating/relationship point of view the last year can be written off.
I think that you really need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start loving yourself a bit more.
I remember when i was your age, i thought life was passing me buy, i will never meet anyone. Of course i dated through my late teens, and early 20's but like yourself they were relatively short lived. Until i thought to myself, i'm so young, i have my whole life ahead of me. I just have to start living for the moment, loving myself, and dropping the whole i must meet someone before its too late.
I found by adopting this more positive attitude that meeting peole and relationships became easier. I believe that the way that we feel inside of us, we attract people on the same vibrational frequency as we are.
The greatest love that we can have is the love we have for ourselves.
You will find the perfect relationship i assure you, but you must start loving yourself. Think to yourself how perfect you are rather than telling yourself there is something wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2021): I meant to say:
"You're too young; so you can't have such a poor outlook and sour attitude."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2021): I don't know where you've been; but we've all been dealing with a lethal pandemic for the past year, that's just rounding the corner.
Practically everywhere was closed, or only open to limited-capacity. Life wasn't quite conducive to dating. Unless you ignored covid-guidelines; and carelessly spread the virus allover the place!
Many single and eligible-men were/are on extended furloughs or unemployment; and had no money to take a lady out. Not to mention the risk of infection that prevented people from being around anybody, but those in your immediate household. You weren't alone "being alone," so to speak! Many are coming out of winter hibernation; so things will be working more towards our "new" normal. Nothing will be the same as it used to be; and that includes dating!
Life works that way. You'll have many dry-spells. During our ascent into adulthood, we need long periods of being single and alone; without stressful relationships in our way. You have to develop a strong sense of self-awareness and independence. That's having undistracted-time, necessary for finishing your higher-education, working towards your career goals, doing self-improvement; and making major and necessary attitude adjustments. Negative, victimized, and defeatist-attitudes show; and are a major turnoff to the best potential boyfriend-material. If those are the only kind of signals you're sending out, that's all men are picking-up about you. Guys avoid bitter, clingy, or needy-behaving females; just as females avoid losers, broke-ass slackers, horny-dogs, and players.
You too young; so you can't have such a poor outlook and sour attitude. It's not that nobody is interested in you, it's got a lot to do with timing. Love has no time-schedule, or take appointments; and does not appear on-demand!
One of the most common hurdles single-women face in modern-society is doing their best not to lose hope; just because single-men aren't knocking at the door, or lining-up and climbing over each-other to take you out. Guys are going through exactly the same-thing you are! Looking for available single-ladies; but they don't seem too interested for one reason or another. That's life! It's not even true the hotter you are, the better your chances. Hotties have little trouble getting hookups or attention; it's finding someone to really care about them! That's the hard part!
Keep this in-mind. You have to be visible. Now that America is slowly unmasking; guys can see your face. Your dazzling-smile! Don't allow your desperation or frustration to show on your face; or be projected through your body-language. Don't write negative-comments in your dating profile. Don't make a long list of heavy criteria of the kind of man you're looking for; that gives the impression that you're expecting a Mr. Perfect, who'll want to marry you on the third date. Comments like: "I'm looking for a serious relationship, no games!" Who would want to even chat with someone that direct?
It spells "desperate" to most guys!
Stop stressing over it! Just relax, and get some exposure by being sociable. Outings with your girlfriends, participating in a sports league, attend social-events open to the public, and ask friends or relatives to introduce you to guys who aren't creepy or weird. Put a lot of emphasis on the fact that you don't like weird; because the first guy they will think of is the one they know who's single and overly-shy. The one living in his parent's basement, or the cousin they're not quite sure if he's gay or not. You can't be too choosy when you ask such a favor; but weird is never acceptable! They'll know if he's weird! Just make it a point that you don't date weirdos, or married-men; just because you can't find a date right at the moment.
Otherwise, you have to be patient. You'll meet someone when you'll least expect it. Both times I met the loves of my life...and I mean successful long-term relationships. I was not even searching! I just went about my life. I was visible, sociable, friendly, enjoying my job; and just being myself. Pressuring yourself, or being on a mission to find love; makes love all the more evasive. It happens when it happens. It will happen when the time is right for you! Enjoy your youth, being a woman, and stay positive! If you believe in God, put in a prayer. Be patient, He does things when He's good and ready! He's God, not a genie in a lamp! Never late, too early, but always right on-time!
Some helpful hints:
Don't put a ton of pictures of your pets under your dating profile. You're not trying to find a date for your dog(s) or cat(s)! Too many people think they have to push the point they are animal-lovers; and you better like my pets too! If that's a condition; then they won't like you, and your pets can go find you date! Restrain yourself from making bitter commentary about past dates, or the lack thereof. No-one wants to be invited to your pity-party! Just be friendly, and show him what you look like with and without make-up. Pics should show you doing some ordinary things, not showing-off! Don't have stern cold expressions in your photos. For goodness-sake, don't bombard the dating site with a thousand up-close selfies!!! Practically up your nostrils! They'll know right off the bat, you're a social media addict; and you'll demand around-the-clock messaging! Even worse, you'll be tracking their every move online. When the single-women I know took this advice; they started getting more hits and matches from cuties! They too, had to be more patient! One had more pics of her cat than of herself. I mean, seriously?!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2021): Nobody can tell WHY without really knowing you and your past relationships. Most of the time in my experience the problem is unrealistic expectations. I have a friend who has been saying for over two decades that the only thing she wants is a normal guy to spend time with - ironically that XY guy wouldn't have a chance with her as she only has eyes for famous and/or rich, who are not interested in her.The other friend, who's a photographer, kept going after extremely beautiful men - I mean cover of the magazines beautiful - while she herself is morbidly obese and doesn't take care of herself.Those are two extreme examples and there are a few things they have in common - they both chase unavailable and/or men who don't want them and they both go after the men who resemble their fathers in a way - the first one's father was a well known and well off artist who left her when she was a kid and ignored her and the second one's was a renown athlete who was forever disappointed in her for not being (a son?) athletic... I guess you see what I mean.You need to work on yourself find what you're passionate about and that's how you'll meet people with whom you share interests, values and passion.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2021): HiThere is nothing wrong with you at all, although I do think there is a lot wrong in the world. You are worth so much and do not need to be in a relationship to have value. You have so much value that God gave you and you have unique and special soul, maybe a sensitive soul as you talk about the rock you sit on. Look around you and see the beauty, breath it in, recognise your own beauty and don't sit on that rock waiting for someone to make you feel worth it. I hope you are kind to yourself and look ahead at how you want to live your life, your dreams, and what you have or can do to make the very best of you.I am sending you a huge rainbow hug, over to that mossy rock....spirit girl...it's all inside you, no one will give you it. Stand tall and begin again with a new outlook, you are interested in you and that's enough for now.
...............................
|
