A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:This is what is going on: She speaks and stares at me all of the time. She sometimes flirts with me. She sometimes sticks her tongue out at me. She sometimes pretends that she is upset. She doesn’t come directly at me and tell what her intentions are. She says that we are just friends. I can’t avoid her. What are the concrete signs that she likes me?Yesterday she told me about bad relationships that she has had with other men. Why did she tell me all of that information, I didn’t ask her. When I was sick last week, she seems to be so concerned. She emails and calls me. She brought me some cologne before, I didn’t ask her to. She asks me to take her places from time to time. She once told me when I drop her off that she is going to have me come up to her apartment one day.Does this lady like me or not? She works with me and I really need to know or is she having an emotional affair.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 June 2009):
 So I am assuming that this woman is already in a relationship, seeing as you are questioning if she is having an affair or not. The thing is about women, it's really hard to tell when they actually are attracted to you or if you're just a really close friend. The easiest way to find out is to ask straight out. She apparently already said that she just likes you as a friend, so that is how you should take it. She cares about you. You're her friend, and she simply enjoys the time she spends with you.
I don't think that this is having an emotional affair. An emotional affair is when you are replacing her current boyfriend as far as emotional support is concerned. Is she telling you things that she isn't telling him? Are you her number one contact when something goes wrong? Does she ever actually come our right and sexually flirt with you? When any of these answers are a 'yes', then there is an emotional affair going on, and maybe you need to end the 'friendship' out of your own values and principles. Though from only what you are telling me, I'd say she's innocent.
A
female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (11 June 2009):
"An emotional affair happens when you put the bulk of your emotions into the hands of somebody outside of your marriage," explains psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman, author of Emotional Infidelity. It's not so much that you're not talking with your husband—there's always stuff to discuss, thanks to kids and mortgages — but you're not sharing with him. Your innermost thoughts, funny jokes, and interesting personal experiences are saved up and spilled to the other guy instead of your spouse. And even if you never so much as touch him, this emotional attachment has just as much potential as a sexual fling to damage your marriage. "We only have so much emotional energy; the more of it we spend outside of our marriage, the less we have inside our marriage," says Neuman. "And after a while, we simply do not have enough emotions and love and caring and time for both."
Is this her situation?
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A
female
reader, purplestar +, writes (11 June 2009):
She sounds pretty into you coming from a female perspective! She may just not be into or comfortable with making the first move regarding physical contact. Try taking her out/home and giving her a kiss and see how she reacts. Or if you're into and feeling the emotional connection, then talk to her about it! Sometimes women wish men would just go for it......
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