A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is three years apart too much to consider a reconciliation? My girlfriend broke up with me on more or less friendly terms three years ago. She wanted to remain friends but I felt total separation was all I could handle. I've since had other relationships but always felt That relationship had much more to achieve in it.Recently a member of her family got in touch with me with news that she was out of touch with her family too, which I found strange. This is why I am thinking about it so long afterwards.We live in different cities so there has been zero contact since the break.My REAL question is, has anyone gotten back with someone after 3 years or more apart?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. I can't believe I'm in the 41-50 bracket! I am 41.
When we split, I thought she had unreasonable expectations of men and was kidding herself about a home business she started. Then major family issues were also erupting at exactly the same time.
WiseOwle's comment "Having an amicable breakup only means you didn't tear each other apart. "Friendly-terms" only means you both surrendered without a fight" is very pertinent. I left without saying what I really thought, leaving things apparently amicable.
I'd love to know how things transpired since then but I have decided NOT to make contact at this time. I think she was making some awful and selfish decisions at the time but maybe our parting was one sensible one.
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (6 August 2013):
There have been sweet reports of people getting back together after 3yrs, 10yrs, even 20 years.
For whatever reason people fall apart. It was just not meant to be......at that time. I honestly believe that if you truly love someone and it is meant to be, you can find your way back. But that feeling must be mutual. You may need to reach out to her. That will be your only way to find out. You also need to be realistic. She may be in a totally different place in her life than you. Be prepared for the rejection and possible hurt. You need to go into it with an open mind but more importantly an open heart.
I find it interesting that she not only broke off your relationship but she also broke off her relationship with her family. There our some under lining issues she is dealing with. That is a lot of change and to not have any family members in your life, is odd. She may be dealing with some tough issues. Be careful with that.
Best Wishes in your quest!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): Anything is possible.
Are your feelings for her still the same?
Does she want to reconcile?
Have the circumstances and reasons leading up to the breakup changed?
It has been three years. Are you the same man as you were three years ago? Is she the same woman?
Is reconciliation going to be based on nostalgia?
People tend to remember the good-times when fondly reminiscing about their exes. The healing process after the breakup will push the bad-times deeper into the back of your memory. Those bad memories sometimes do not resurface until the first conflict. They may even be triggered at the moment of the first contact, after a period of separation.
In a nut-shell, it all depends.
Having an amicable breakup only means you didn't tear each other apart. "Friendly-terms" only means you both surrendered without a fight.
The fact remains, you broke up.
I would say, you should approach it with an open-mind. Don't build-up a lot of hope or expectations. You don't know what she has been through the past three years. How she has changed, or what she wants now; as opposed to three years ago.
People may rekindle feelings after any number of years.
That doesn't necessarily mean those feelings will grow into
romantic love.
The old love may have changed into a different type of love.
You're a mature gentleman. You're experienced enough to know
you can't pickup where you left off three years ago.
Too many things have occurred in the interim of time. That, and the fact; the old relationship died three years ago.
Approach the re-acquaintance as a new beginning, and see how things go from that stand-point.
It will avoid anyone getting a broken-heart; if the reconciliation doesn't take. It will also avoid any disappointment; if she has not changed for the better.
I am a romantic to a point; then that old wisdom kicks in.
I wish you the best in any case.
...............................
A
male
reader, bronzed adonis  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Of course, someone, somewhere in the world must have got back with an ex after three years or even longer. I think there is far more chance that she has moved on though. A lot can happen in three years.
...............................
|
