A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello..I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half and we have been inseparable ever since. We were really close friends before we started to date, which means I would confide a lot of my darkest secrets to him about other men and relationships I have had. I have a bit of a history of cheating but I have grown beyond that - or so I thought.Basically I have another guy friend who has known me for over 5years. We deeply care about each other, but have never disrespected the other's persons relationship. However, he began sending me "vulgar" messages. Due to the fact we have always had a close relationship I found it hard to be cold to him. He knew I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend but he was persistent in telling me how much he wished he could be with me. Unfortunately, I had a momentary weakness. After relentless messages of me telling him how I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I finally admitted that I had unresolved feelings for him that make me curious. I never once suggested I would act on those feelings or cheat on my boyfriend. Despite my past, I would never do that to him.Anyways my boyfriend read the messages my friend sent me and he's furious. He also read that one message I regret everyday. I took back what I said to my friend the very next morning but everything I say is a lie now.And because of my shady past he believes that it is in my "character" to cheat. I did not cheat on him but he will never trust me the same way again... or so he says.Is our love a lost cause or is what I did forgivable?Any advice would be so useful right now :(Thanks,From- Hopeless Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 September 2008):
 Hopeless, a good nick.
Come on, be honest with yourself at least. You have a history of cheating and despite saying you know this and don't want to again you carry on flirting with an ex.
Why did you feel the need to keep this flirting up? Enjoying the attention? Want to keep this 2nd guy dangling? If you were planning to cheat with him then you are cheat. If you flirted with him but never intended to cheat with him that makes you a cocktease who needs men chasing her to validate herself.
Not exactly a flattering image of you is it?
It is up to your BF if he wants to forgive you, you can't decide for him. It is up to you to figure out why you act the way you do. What do you really want right now in your life. A steady relationship and the attentions of just one guy OR to flirt and be free?
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