| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've recently started a relationship with a girl who's 15 - and I'm 19. We're pretty well exactly four years apart, and she is definitely that best thing that has happened to me as far as relationships go. I met her through where we work. Obviously, I post here because I am having concerns. I think what I'm going to do is express them to my girlfriend, and have her find out if it's okay with her mom, first. I live in Canada, so I think the age-limit for anything around sexual intercourse is 16, but I mention that figure only because it's the law. I have no intentions for having sex. I'm the type that'd rather wait for marriage. If her mom isn't okay with things, I think I'll end up breaking off the relationship until she's 16 and can make the decision for herself. At that point, I'll be 20 and she'll be 16. Is this age gap inappropriate? I favour girls that are smart and mature for their age, and she definitely doesn't fall short in either of those categories. She actually exceeds expectations. Thank you in advance for all the replies. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 I live in Canada too. That's not so important, but I'm aware of what is generally accepted as the norm, in your situation. As a father, I wouldn't like it. Let's be honest, a fifteen year old has, for the most part, no idea what life is about. Most nineteen year olds don't either. Laws were made to protect minors from adults. I know you're both on the edges of being adults, you just starting and her almost there, but technically, I think you should wait.
Physically we mature in those teenage years. So, she may appear to be more mature, mentally she's still fifteen. And, there's nothig wrong with that.
Why don't you just be friends. I'm not a big believer in that, as I think it leads to more and self restraint is not that easy, but at least you won't have to label the relationship.
A
female
reader, totochick23 +, writes (30 December 2006):
i personally dont think that there is a problem i'm 16 and have been out with a 22 year old. if she likes you and you like her then go for it. if the fact that she is 15 is an issue then if your really like her you will stop seeing her until she is 16. just ask her what she wants and i'm sure you'll find your answer!!
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): 15 and 19 or 16 and 20, no I don't think that is inappropriate at all, not in your circumstance.
You are obviously mature and are entering in to this for the right reasons, that is all that counts. Four years age difference is nothing to stop you from having a great relationship. Maybe you will notice small differences in how you each approach life and your relationship, but 4 years is hardly anything in the greater scheme of things.
All the best =)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tiagre +, writes (30 December 2006):
It sounds like you really like her, and aren't going to just use her, so I don't think you should have any concerns. My cousin is 20, and he's going out with a 16 year old, but he's willing to wait for her to be ready. Their relationship started when she was 14 and he was 18, which sounds like a big gap, but they're by far happier than I've ever seen either of them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 Well, if she's a mature girl I say you shouldn't feel wrong for dating her. I fell in love at 14 with my *now* fiance who was 17 (we're 2 years, 11 1/2 months apart) and my mother is fine with it, because she knows I'm mature enough to make such decisions wisely. While rhythemandblues2 is mainly correct about 15 year olds being children, it's not 100% accurate, trust me, I know, and I'm from the US to boot. It's a wise choice seeing what her mother thinks, it should make a good impression. Let us hope her mother sees her as a mature 15 year old as easily as you do.
I don't think the age gap is inappropriate at all, after all, 32 and 36 doesn't seem to be a big deal because let's hope people are mature by then, so if you're mature enough now, why should it be any different?
Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Well maybe I'm not the best to offer advice because I met my boyfriend when I was 16 and he was *23*, older than you. We were only friends & didn't start dating until I was 18, but I can relate to how you feel about her because I too felt that we connected past the age limit.
I'd say personally that 16 and 20 isn't a huge gap, only because I know that when I was 16 I thought the same thing about a 23 year old. So again my view is a bit biased. But I'd say if it's legal then you should do what makes you happy, just be careful--she is younger and hasn't experienced some things that you have. I don't mean sexually, but just general adult things. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): It sounds to me like you are taking a mature approach to dating this girl...I have my doubts that she is mature at 15, that is very young no matter what country you live in and I live in the US where a 15 year old is definately a child, but 19 is not far from it either.
I think friendship is important and maybe you can offer just that friendship, and if the relationship grows and matures then maybe down the road a couple of three years you can date, but while you are waiting for that, I would not pull all your eggs in that basket and make lots of female friends closer to your own age.
...............................
|
