A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand what is going on with my body. My boyfriend insists that it is him, I keep telling him that it isn't him. When I was with my ex-husband he wanted me to have sex with him every night or he wouldn't let me go to sleep until he got what he wanted. I have seizures and I have to have sleep, so I'd always end up caving in. He was also abusive and we have 2 kids together. Anyways, he got to the point that the only way that I could get wet is when he went down on me.....even after the divorce it is the same. I can't cum when my boyfriend goes down on me and sometimes I don't get wet like I should. Is it because mentally I have what happened in the back of my mind, even though I know it's not my ex. Or is there something actually wrong with my body??
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks SammiBaby for your opinion and your help. It helps to talk to someone to know that someone else out there has been through the same that I have and that. I just feel like an idiot for letting myself go through the same thing over and over again. I was afraid of getting out, for the fact that he was abusive and also I didn't want to lose my kids, he always said he'd take the kids away from me. For the male readers that were so nice to comment.....you don't think he's just being nice when he's saying that sex with me is good...do you? He seems to enjoy it. LJ001 in your first paragraph I think you hit the nail on the head and for your second paragraph, I've tried it, but I guess not to the extent that you are implying, I will try to relax even more. Thank you all for your help and I look forward to even more replys. Everyone please keep replying to my question, it would be appreciated! Thanks!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): It seems to me that, whether you realise it or not, in your mind you can remember clearly about what your ex did to you. And you may not realise you're thinking about it, but your mind relates sex to your ex. In a way, your body has been trained into learning sex is more forced than wanted, and when it's not wanted, you're not going to be very wet!
I think the best solution here would be go slower with your current guy before sex, have lots of foreplay and relax. Concentrate on how much you love him and think about what he's doing to you. Imagine thoughts that turn you on about him. Really think about what he's doing, and picture it in your head. In a way, you've got to give yourself a helping hand to getting turned on, because this problem is not particularly physical, it's mental. Relax, and realise that this is not your ex. He's a new, loving guy that cares for you an awful lot. If this still doesn't do the trick, maybe consider going to a psychologist, to get a better opinion? Then they can sort any memories or problems you might have when it comes to sex. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): It could be your still stuck with the past. You maybe stressed by it, have anxiety, and just can't relax, which makes sex unjoyable, even for a man.
Try relaxing, and if it seems to work, try a different routine with your mate that will allow you to maintain your relax state. This can also help with guys who can't keep it up or get it up.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (25 April 2008):
 I doubt anything is wrong with your body.
Sounds like post traumatic stress from years of sexual abuse by your ex husband. You may benefit from therapy of some sort...really letting out all of your emotions from the marriage.
I am sure your sex will improve after you work out your issues.
Good luck!
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