A
male
age
41-50,
*ean_Carlos
writes:My girlfriend has started working at a nightclub (as an assistant manager.) Not a stripclub, but a dance club. She's a recording artist and is well known in the entertainment scene here. I'm really not interested in dating a woman who is at the club every week. She insist that it's just a job and that she doesn't have much fun there, but I strongly feel that she's downplaying the situation. It is a very popular club. I'm also in the entertainment industry and have had my doubts about dating someone who is into the 'nightlife'. Since she is an entertainer she enjoys the club atmosphere. We strongly love each other, but I just don't want to be with someone who is so... 'social'. I'm already putting up with the fact that she is an aspiring hip hop artist. Should I leave the realationship now? Or try to get her to stop working at the club? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Your additional information gives much more detail. If your ideas are based on fact and not jealousy then you have an issue to deal with. If she didn't like you in that type of work the she should act in the same way.
It is difficult when you have a partner who is in the limelight or in a position to be hit on all the time. Even the strongest person would feel uncomfortable to some degree.
A
male
reader, Sean_Carlos +, writes (7 January 2008):
Sean_Carlos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, she expressed that she didn't like that I was out at night so often, and she didn't want to be with someone in the entertainment industry. I agreed, but I did still support her being a performing artist, not being a club assistant manager. Now she has to be at the club three nights a week til 3 and 4 in the morning. And she has a great time. I used to be a club promotor and I was at the club 2 times a week. The club environment is one of a lot of temptation and our relationship isn't stable enough for me to feel comfortable sitting home on friday and saturday nights. She has just taken things too far, and is trying to hard to become even more of a social figure. If I'm going to be serious about a woman I'd like someone who isn't aspiring to be as 'out there' as she is. So maybe I should just let her down easy.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 Ok, I understand how you think, she asked you to quit and then she should do the same for you. Somehow that would seem fair, I suppose. But it seems as if she has now changed her mind and want to do this after all, and then I think there is not much to do. You asked if you should "try to get her to stop working at the club", I still don't think you should, but since you do like her a lot it couldn't hurt making a last try to explain to her how you feel about it all. But making her stop if she doesn't want to, no, that is not possible. If it turns out that you want different things out of life and you feel you can't live with her choice, then I think you should look elsewhere or you will not be happy.
Take good care!
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A
male
reader, Sean_Carlos +, writes (6 January 2008):
Sean_Carlos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI left the entertainment industry because of her worries about me. And because the road leads to places we both don't want to be. I'm not into going to clubs anymore, not that often at least. I'm not comfortable with the way she dresses, and with the fact that she is so flirtatious. The situation just makes me feel uncomfortable. And she has started to become dishonest. I don't want to stifle her though. I guess it would be best for me to leave the relationship. I'm getting older and want to live a simpler life. Thanks for your responses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): god! give her a break! assistant manager in any club is a brilliant career move, especially if it is in a club that she enjoys, like a dance club! ALLLLLOW!
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (6 January 2008):
Since you don't trust her you should probably split up. Artists are usually free spirits and you've already started to stifle her growth. In relationships, we're supposed to encourage growth.
Why are you jealous? What do you think she is going to do? Are you afraid there is another man out there who is better looking, more wealthy etc. I can tell you with certainty that there is another person out there. There are other men who she could be attracted to. That will be the case where ever she goes. That is life. You can't be a desirable partner while trying to control your mate. It won't work for very long. Resentment will flourish.
Are yo willing to give up your job for the same reasons? What has she done to lose your trust?
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (6 January 2008):
I don't think you should try and stop her from working at the club. If you can't stand her choice of profession I think you must leave the relationship. Imagine you would ask her to quit and she does because she loves you now, how do you think she will feel about this when older, thinking about how she gave up her dreams for you, dreams that sounds like she has a good chance to make happen? She might not think then that you were worth it and that will be very hurtful for you too. If you love her, let her live a happy life with a man who is willing to love and support her following her dreams. Be it you or someone else.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AJ jess ^..^  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 if you 'strongly love each other' as you say you do then you should accept her job, shes obviously a hard working young woman and wants to try her best and achieve her goals in life. Just accept what she wants to do dont become jealous x
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 January 2008):
 What century are you living in 19th or 21st? This young lady sounds like a very hard working and ambitious who wants to make something of herself. If you can't accept her chosen career, then why are you with her? It seems to me you want a Cook and Bottlewasher for a partner as appose to someone who has high aspirations of herself. Stop being such a baby, grow up and accept what she chooses of what she wants to do with her life. Otherwise you come across as a Control Freak and will lose your lovely girlfriend. Think about it Ok! Dusky xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Sean_Carlos, are you sure you are not being unnecessarily jealous or suspicious? Since you are also in the entertainment field, I think you might be be more understanding than you seem. Many people, even married couples, are in work that involve a lot of contact with others. It does not mean they cannot be perfectly faithful to their companions. Maybe you should talk more about your feelings with her. Are you yourself in a more "trustworthy" occupation than she is? If she must trust you, you should be able to trust her. Make sense?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 If you feel strongly that she should not work there and if she loves you , she will quit for you. You will be forcing her to choose between you or her job.The outcome may not be favourable to you and you may have to accept the results.If you love her, you will allow her to work there and let her decide for herself.Wait and see how it will affect your relationship.Maybe , you should see from her perspective.
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