A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't want to seem naive asking this question, but I'm afraid my fiancé is gay? He's slowly admitted to me certain things about his past that makes me question this. He's never had sex with a man or been in a relationship with one and says that the thought of kissing another man completely turns him off. He's let another guy who is secretly bi (has a gf of his own) go down on him twice. He never reciprocated but admits he enjoyed it. He bought a dildo and had it for a while. He used it about once a week on himself and deep throated it two or three times(He said he jsut wanted to see if he could do it). He ended up throwing it away "because he felt gay." He's told me before that the thought of being with a man excites him and if he masturbates he'll sometimes think about being with a guy. I asked him if he'd enjoy being with a man ever and his response was, "I'm scared to because I'd probably enjoy it." I've heard other women say their gay husbands/boyfriends don't kiss or make love to them. We have sex at least once a day and he is constantly touching, kissing, loving on me. He's never made me feel undesirable or unloved in any way. He's my best friend and I love him so much. We have two babies under the age of two together, and I don't want to lose him! I believe him when he tells me he loves me but I'm having a hard time believing I'm all he'll ever want. We've talked about this several times, it's not like we don't communicate about it, I just feel outside advice is needed here. I want him to be happy and not decide later on in our married life that he wants something different. Any advice???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (30 August 2011):
 You're clearly in love and he clearly loves you. Don't let this bother you. Everyone has fantasies. I think about being with women even though I would never be with one. In a sexual context, the idea is fun and arousing. Outside of the context, it's just a thought that I would never act on. Your boyfriend might be curious, he might be bi, or it might be a fantasy $he enjoys and has allowed to happen twice. Either way, he is committed to you now. Enjoy one another!
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (30 August 2011):
 He doesn't sound bisexual, to me. Bisexual denotes that one is equally or almost-equally as attracted to both men and women.
He sounds "heteroflexible", where he has SOME desires towards men but is mostly straight.
And that is 100% perfectly normal and fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): it sounds like he may be bisexual, but just doesn't want to admit it so clearly.
Whether or not he's bi, he's with you. Now it's up to you to trust him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): this is a tough one. he sounds like he likes to explore things sexually. Try switching things up a bit, role-playing, dress up, toys, different positions or locations.
Maybe this will get him to stop thinking about these things. Also, porn sometimes has a lot to do with it...
If all else fails, then tell him in a loving way it bothers you. Don't judge him or make fun of him, because he seems to be honest with you now and you don't want to lose that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): He is probably bisexual. I would buy a strap on to play with him with. He won't necessarily leave you even if he is curious about men or is bisexual.
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