A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out a few years. At the beginning I admit I told him pretty clearly what I always wanted from life-to be a wife and mother. He told me at the time he understood but wasnt ready. Scroll on afew years and we are both older. He is nearly 30 and afew of his frds are married (ones expecting a baby). I told him a story about a friend of ours getting engaged and he freaked out. Literally saying he didnt want to hear stories about marraige or engagement as he did not want that and if i wanted that i could find someone else. I told him i was just telling a story and didnt mean to upset him or wasnt relating it to us. (Being honest, i guess in a way I was-i wanted him to see its the next step). I told him I understood he still wasnt ready and didnt know what he wanted and that we should just relax and go with the flow and that id try to do that for him. Being honest i wanted to put him at ease as i wouldnt want to force him into it, but yet its what i want...I feel like if i wana be with him i have to put up with this.What i dont like is his attitude toward marriage-its like he runs in the opposite direction and doesnt see it as being a beautiful thing (as i do). I guess what im saying is i want to change his mind or change what he think about it. How can i do this? I know its probably my own fault having brought it up too early and now when i mention it, he remembers that conversation and gets freaked out! But i find it so hurtful when he reacts the way he does. I wonder does that mean he doesnt really love me? We are both quite set on our own opinion on the subject but somehow i feel like im the one giving up on my dream as i find myself to agreeing to live with him in the future even though i would never have before without a ring. I use hear these stories of people who when they moved in without a ring, they never got one ever and that scares me. Im headin close to thirty and im aware im not as lets say young as i use look-im afraid in case im wasting my time u know and then he'll dump me and ill be thirty odd looking for someone.I understand marriage isnt for everyone and i respect that. But i want it. I just wonder is he afraid of growing up as he tries surrounding himself with younger single friends instead of hanging out with people of the same age as him who are married or living with someone etc. He says he feels pressure from his friends, his family and he knows that truly its what i want. So i feel sorry for him too. Am i being silly? Im just wondering is my boyfriend peter pan? And will i end up being tinkerbell-wanting him to commit but he never does?
View related questions:
engaged, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 Many of us guys find the "peter Pan" syndrome to be the most pleasant way to get through adult life.... You may run in to this again, in the future.....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 You need to leave him. You are wasting your time here. He doesn't want what you want, he doesn't understand you, he doesn't see the beauty of marriage or hold the same values as you. Or, it could also be that he doesn't want to marry you, he doesn't see himself being with you for life. It is hard to swallow, but when you are with someone who wants the same as you do in life it will be all worth it.You can't make him think marriage is great when he doesn't think so. You need to accept that he is who he is, and move on. That is your next step. If you stay with him then yes, you are GIVING UP ON YOUR DREAM. Never give up on your dreams. He isn't the one. If he was, he'd not be scared off by thoughts of marriage, but be delighted by the idea. He's not the one for you. He probably does love you, but he doesn't want to marry you. If you give up your dreams for him you will regret it, and you will start to feel resentful towards him with the years. You will think you were a fool to stay with a man who could never give you what you wanted in life. Never give up on your dreams for a man! Stick to your values and goals, and if he doesn't want the same thing then you must move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): I'm afraid you can't change his mind or force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Some people just don't like commitment, look at George Clooney for better an example. If he doesn't want to get married now after being with your for a few years and freaks out at the thought of it he probably never will. I suggest leaving and finding someone who does want what you want, this is never going to work. Good luck.
...............................
|
