A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to ask guys what attracts you to a woman? I am not a typical girl i am 6 foot tall, alternative looking, pierced and tattooed but i wear small jewellery in them. I have 3 in my lip and 2 in my nose. I have auburn hair its shoulder length and wavy. I wear glasses. i am slender with small breasts a tiny waste big hips and long long legs. I have huge blue eyes. I am an anime fan, a musician, a lover of art and the English language. Despite my appearance i have an IQ of 145. I don't look scruffy and i always wear clothes that fit. I am a bit of a tom boy in attitude and i have lots of male friends. I am very out going but i have a romantic centre. I care for my friends and family and i am willing to help anyone. I have nice features a small face large full lips and a small nose. The reason i am telling you this is because i feel like i am missing something, guys never seem to look at me even though my friends tell me i am attractive and i have a good personality, i am never paid attention to by guys and if i am its for nothing more than sex. It seems that i am lacking something. I asked a friend once who said he thought he said i was "probably his most attractive female friend he had but i was the scariest chick he knew" lol When i asked him what he meant he said well no one would mess with you. Im not sue what that is supposed to mean. I am considering changing my image i would really like to meet a person who didn't find me intimidating and i wonder if what i dress like is a huge factor in this.
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male
reader, 2old4this + ♥, writes (17 September 2009):
 I think you are just a whiney baby!!! I'm just kidding, that was supposed to make you laugh. I think Code is right. Just a change of surroundings may help.
A
male
reader, Code Warrior  + ♥, writes (17 September 2009):
 Your mom is Goth, your dad is an ex punk rocker, and your brother is a skater boy. You sound like you have a great family and you probably have a lot of great stories to tell.
I am glad to hear that your friend calls you the "scariest chick he knows" because you are tall and not because of the way you behave. Maybe it would be better if he called you the "most intimidating woman he knows".
You are VERY intelligent and I think it likely that you have strong political views. This raises some questions in my mind.
When guys approach you to strike up a conversation do you talk or do you tend to debate with them?
Would you say that you suffer fools gladly or not at all?
Do you have a sharp wit that you use like a foil or do you keep it in check?
You say that you don't really talk about your love of anime. Is that because you are ashamed to admit you like it? Is it because you don't think others will find it interesting? Is it because you like to keep that a private thing?
When a woman of your quality is having trouble finding a guy I have to believe they are just intimidated by you. If that is the case, maybe new surroundings with people of your intellectual level would create more opportunities for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok im sorry it took me so long to reply to this. Thank you to code warrior your answer was helpful and articulate. I would like to state the way i dress is kind of a family thing. I come from a family of rockers. My dad is an ex punk rock d.j my mum is a Goth and my brother looks like a skater boy lol. I am the most toned down of them all. The reason my friend said i was the "scariest chick he knew" is because im tall and out going and i look like could kick your ass (even though i never fight). I am attracted to people who dress like me but not just people who dress like me. I like a man with style what ever style it is as long as they look comfortable in it. As for my love of anime i do love it and comic books too but it don't really talk about it its just one of those things im in too as are a whole bunch of my friends. I don't know i guess im just wondering what has failed me in the past.
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A
male
reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (24 August 2009):
Mature guys are attracted to confident women. As I stated in another thread - nothing is more sexy than a confident woman.A woman is not a girl. Some girls grow up to become women while others remain girls. Women are inherently sexy, girls are not.You are clearly a woman. You know who you are and what you want. That makes you sexy and desirable - to the right men. Immature men and little boys are intimidated by confident women because they lack their own confidence. It sounds like you are surrounded by immature men and little boys and that is why you are having trouble. Your look does not send the message of who you are inside. Your look states that you are rebellious and confrontational. Little boys and immature men are rebellious and confrontational - consequently you are far more likely to meet these kind of men and they will be intimidated by you. I'm not saying that every man that shares your look is immature. I'm sure you have met good men that share your look. The question is: Did you find them attractive? Did you give them a fair chance?Your post shows that you are kind and introspective. You sound like quite a catch actually. However, it may be time to put away your childish things. You are an adult now - You are a woman now - you are not a little girl anymore. You must show your femininity in a way that sends the message of who you are on the inside.That does not mean you have to abandon your look, but you may have to tone it down, make it a little softer. It also means that you have to stop doing the things that lead your friend to tell you that you are "the scariest chick he knows". He would only say that if you behave like an idiot on occassion. You are not an idiot so stop acting like one.Allow youself to look a little more "normal", but still with a hint of edginess - maybe even more than a hint, but still restrained - a more "adult" version of your look. You can retain your makeup unless it is goth - YUK! The Goth look is the same as looking dead and nobody will take you seriously. Ditch the lip piercings and the tongue piercings. I would not want that stuff clanging against my teeth during a kiss or touching me anywhere else for that matter.Allow the natural beauty of your face to be unfettered by piercing baggage. Limit your piercings to your ears. Keep your body peircings if you like, maybe keep them hidden - a little surprise to discover about you! Or show them off! You can show off your ink if you have it. But beware of tramp stamps. Tattoos that lead into your pants send a VERY slutty signal. You do not sound like a slut so you should not display those kinds of tattoos in public. However, you can display them for your boyfriend or wear clothing for him that reveals such tattoos only to him. Don't worry about what you are missing. You are not missing anything except a look that sends the right message about who you are. Fix that and you will be fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): You sound like my type of gal. My girl is very much like you, but she isn't as tall as you and I think that makes her less intimidating. I think your style is your style and thats cool. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to tone it back a little. But, being tattooed and pierced is not that different anymore. Have you seen LA INK? Kat Vondi (If thats how you spell it) Is considered to be one of the hottest women in America right now. There are guys out there who really like your style, but I would say it's because you are really attractive that intimidates guys more. Put yourself out there more and maybe soften your looks just a bit and see what happens.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Maybe it does since clothing should reflect who you are on the inside ( maybe a little bit ). But at the core a good relationship connects and lasts because of good personalities, not really "looks". Maybe you could tone it down a bit but nothing too drastic lols. Or maybe try drastic and see how that works. Who knows, you have a lot going on for you, it wont hurt to experiment a little. After all the biggest thing that stood out for me was "anime fan", so it goes with the type of guys you want to meet as well.
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