A
female
age
30-35,
*sdfg
writes:I've only been sexually active for the last year and a half, and I've only dated 2 of the 8 guys I've slept with. Nonetheless, I've come to realize that I don't feel right kissing the guy unless we're in a relationship. Is it weird that I put kissing on a higher emotional pedestal than sex, and thus, reserve it for very few people? Thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): No it's not strange, prostitutes do the exact same thing for the same reason. They separate the act of sex and kissing because they only kiss guys they have an emotional connection with.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Didn't Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman" have a similar rule?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): If you were a chaste virgin and you refused to kiss guys outside of relationships, it would make sense.
But the fact that you're sleeping with other guys while refusing to kiss them? I think you're crazy.
Maybe you think the kissing is more special than sex but there probably isn't a guy on earth that will see it that way. The top level on the intimacy chart is sex, not kissing.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 It's not weird, for a lot of people kissing has strong emotional connotations, it implies feelings of affection and closeness that may not be involved in a sexual act performed for sheer physical release, or just for the heck of it.
What I find, maybe not weird, but perhaps curious, and surely unnecessary, is that you are so willing and able of having intercourse with people that you can't bring yourself to kiss.
Maybe this kiss thing is a signal that may help you to be more selective in your sexual choices from now on.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (24 March 2011):
 I think the bigger concern should be the fact that you've been with 8 guys in 18 months. That's not a healthy lifestyle to get into. You may want to look into it.
However, regarding the kissing question, it's unusual, but not really "weird." Most girls I know are the opposite - they'll kiss a random guy, even make out in a bar before exchanging names, but are much more picky about who they sleep with.
Viewed independent of sex, if you attach a lot of emotional power to kissing, it would make sense to restrict who you do that with. By itself, that's relatively normal. The only thing making it weird is its relative importance to sex in your mind.
Again, you should examine your lifestyle before you get too heavily into promiscuity. Best of luck either way.
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A
male
reader, HeartBlossom +, writes (24 March 2011):
 It's unusual, but understandable. I suspect it means you're a romantic, preserving a way for physical contact to be meaningful, even while you agree that sex isn't that big of a deal. Keep it up. My other thought, though, is that if sex isn't that big of a deal, it'd probably be just as reasonable to hold off there too to limit the number of people who might take advantage and to reduce your risk of complications.
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