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female
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anonymous
writes: i recently found out that my boyfriend likes to look at pornography, and i told him i was deeply hurt by it.i felt that if he is with me then he doesn't need it, it almost feels like he is cheating on me! he said he won't look at it again and doesn't seem to understand why i was upset, do you think i was being unreasonable?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (5 March 2006):
 If this issue offends YOU, then you have to do something about it. I have a very blase attitude towards porn and truely cannot understand why people get worked up about the ocasional usgae of porn as a means for getting a release. I think it has it's place, but that does not mean that becuse you find it awful and obnoxious then you should put up with it in any way.
If your BF is being as insensitive as to not even try to understand why you feel this way then you should maybe look at terminating this relationship. His habits will not change and he is not willing to listen then maybe he just ain't the guy for you.
But if he is willing to modify his behaviour and at least meet you halfway maybe you have a fighting chance of getting your relaitionship back on track.
I wish you all the luck in the world.xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): When I was living with my daughter's father he would come home in the wee hours and turn on porn while i was in the bedroom pregnant and of been alone the whole night. I can't stand it. Why didn't he just come to me to have sex? My boyfriend now has been understanding and supportive of my feelings. He had downloaded some porn and it absolutely made me angry. He's the best sexual partner I'd ever had I would stop everything if he felt the urge. So, my question to him is why did he need it? Well, I do like it sometimes but i don't like him acting like he's sneaking it behind my back especially if it's something like barely legal girls. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. It's kind of sick to me anyway why would they want to look at someone who could be a few years older than their daughter you know? I expressed how it hurts my feelings and he has stopped. But also note that we have bought porn together and we keep it. It's not like he's hiding anything and it makes me comfortable and WE are choosing who we or he looks at. Of course i've also let him keep the things I wouldn't do with him too =). But point is I know how u feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): I dont understand this whole situation about why people disagree with people looking at porn ect. =S
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Before my gf, I looked at porn almost every day, just to get the release you know what I mean? After getting more and more steady with my gf now, porn viewing has cut down to about once a week or less, and I only masturbate when I am really stressed or I just want to have a quick release of pleasure. Please note that I don't love porn. I love my girlfriend. To some women, this may seem like I am emotionally cheating on my gf, but please note that this is a quick mental stimulation - like having beer, it's a quick physical stimulation. Guys like me look at porn and treat it like a product you get off the shelves of some store. Cigs, beer, porn, arcade, etc. I get a quick release to porn, but I make love to my woman. I look at Playboy and the model and think, "She's gorgeous" but when I look at my gf, I think and feel, "I love her, and I want to spend my life with her".However, if it really upsets my gf/wife that much, then fine, I'll stop, but please note that though it's a 'minor' detail, she just took away one of the things that give me a quick amount of pleasure. Personally, it's fine. Just don't take away WoW (online game)! Hehe... 8]
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the fact that alot of men do look at porn but what i can't understand is why is it, that your partner can't seem to see it from your point of view?I Mean, fair enough, he is only looking, but it makes me feel insignificant ya know.Anyway, thanks for your advice, definately appreciated.I guess i will just have to either accept it or ask him to just make sure he doesn't do this to me again.
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female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (22 February 2006):
 I have the same problem with my husband (we have been together for the past 3 1/2 years... married for only half a year). I only recently found out about it due to his lying and hiding it the whole time we have been together. When I found out I talked to him like you and he told me the same thing "I wont look at it if it hurts you", but he only kept that promise for a few days, until I caught him again. I understand exactly how you feel, me and my husband had just gotten married, I was overwhelmed by my feelings for him. But now that I found out, and since he lied to me several times about quiting, I feel so betrayed and distant from him. I ended up putting a porn blocker on our computer last week(which made us get into a huge fight) but it had to be done because he wouldnt stop because he doesnt understand how it makes me feel. He told me I dont see how it will hurt you if I look at it and dont jerk off (that was his excuse for continuing to look at it)!My husband seems to think that all guys look at porn, and I am the one with the problem. I am pretty sure most guys look at porn but I am also pretty sure that there are guys out there that will stop if their loved one tells them it is hurting them. I also did research and found out that only 13-19% of woman are ok with their man looking at porn. SO the answer to your question is definetly No... you are not being unreasonable, many woman feel the same way as you. And even if your BF dosent understand why you feel the way you do, he should at least respect your feelings and not look at it anymore, I hope for your sake he didn't lie to you to get you off his back like my man did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): You'll probably get replies saying it's harmless and you are being unreasonable but I agree with you. My bf wasn't looking at porn but Lucy Pinder websites and it offended me because I felt that if that's what he lusted after he should go for someone like that, not someone like me. If he feels awkward about looking at it in front of you then, in my opinion, he shouldnt be doing it.
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